Honestly I wonder how many aces with sex drives actually thought they were bi/pan before discovering the term asexual?

I wonder how many aces thought, “huh, sex sounds alright, and I get turned on while thinking about sex no matter the gender of the person, so that must mean I’m bi/pan.”

Because for me, that’s exactly how it was – before I learned what sexual attraction actually was, that having sexual desire for somebody who WASN’T engaged in a sexual act was actually a thing, I thought I was bi simply because sex with any gender was appealing. It was the stimulation, not the person.

Same thing for aromantics interested in life partnerships/QP relationships, who thought that wanting that intimacy with somebody and not caring what gender they were.

That kind of journey of self discovery is just as important as feeling broken before discovering the terms asexuality and aromanticism; don’t let anybody invalidate you because of your past identities, or for having a sex drive/want for a intimate relationship. You’re beautiful and valid and so important!


I think this can apply to aces without a sex drive too. I assumed I was pan for a bit because my feelings about sex were broadly the same regardless of the gender of the person I was thinking of. Just took me awhile to figure out those feelings were actually ‘complete disinterest’. (Because, of course, everyone must want sex and I’m an everyone so obviously this is just what wanting sex feels like despite it not feeling like much of anything.)


*nodnod*  I definitely stopped at bi(-sexual and -romantic asexual) on the way to figuring out I was aro/ace and it was for EXACTLY this reason: “Well… I feel the same way about men and women so I guess I must be bi?”  It took me a really long time to figure out that “I feel the same way” meant “I don’t feel anything for either.”  That had me confused for YEARS.  (As well as other things similar to those mentioned above that I’d be happy to talk about in private but not as an addition to a post.  -.-;;;)


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