My heart hurts when I think about Obi Wan taking Anakin on as his Padawan while still feeling resentment towards Anakin for usurping his position as Qui Gonn’s Padawan
He feels resentment towards Qui Gonn too (But it’s harder to be angry at someone who’s dead)
And Obi Wan knows he shouldn’t feel like thisbut he doesso he keeps Anakin at a distance because he can’t get attached
Especially to this Pathetic LifeformTMAnd poor little Anakin doesn’t know why Master Obi Wan won’t wake him up from his nightmares or give him a hug him on his way to classes or even smile at him
He’s homesick
Stuck on a new planet
A place where no one trusts him and none of the Jedi seem to want him there
And all of his survival instincts are telling him that he needs to latch onto Master Obi Wan because Master Obi Wan is his new caregiver
But Obi Wan won’t let himself form anything beyond the most basic training bond with Anakin
Anakin tries to get closer to Obi Wan and Obi Wan keeps distancing himself from Anakin
Not showing him affection
Criticizing him
Only spending the bare minimum amount of time with his young apprenticeAbout a year goes by and Anakin is lonely and tired and he doesn’t know what he’s doing wrong
He doesn’t know why the other kids at the Temple don’t like him
He doesn’t understand why the Masters are so suspicious around him
He’s so frustrated with his schooling because his teachers are so harsh even though he’s doing his best to learn the written languages and still keep up with his studies (it doesn’t matter that he can fluently speak 6 languages, he could barely write and that was a Bad Thing)
And he doesn’t know why Master Obi Wan doesn’t want him
Why Master Obi Wan always makes Anakin feel like he’s a burdenSo he runs away
It takes Obi Wan longer than he’s comfortable admiting to realize that his almost 11 year old Padawan is missing
And not just lost-in-the-temple missing
But Missing
Gone.After an entire day and night of searching he finally finds his wayward Padawan
Trying to board a shuttle off planet
Trying to get to Naboo (because he’s pretty sure Padme at least liked him)Anakin is uncharacteristically silent on the way back to the Temple while Obi Wan rattles off the mother of all lectures
And they get back to their quarters and Anakin just runs off and shuts the door behind him in tears because he’s just not good enough to be a Jedi and Master Obi Wan will never want him
And he’s so scared that the Jedi will send him back to Tatooine and he’ll be forced into slavery againAnd when Obi Wan comes in to check on him, he can’t hold in his emotions anymore and he explodes
Yelling and crying, he tells Obi Wan how scared he is of Destiny and how none of the other padawans like him and how he’s not stupid and he’s trying really hard and he’s so scared that he’s going to be sent back to Tatooine because he’s not good enough and he doesn’t know why Obi Wan never spends any time with him and always seems to be disciplining him and he’s just so tired and he doesn’t understand what he’s doing wrong
Anakin Skywalker can count on one hand the number of times he’s seen Obi Wan Kenobi speechless
Obi Wan didn’t realize how much of an effect his apathy towards his Padawan would affect the child
And it wasn’t until he saw Anakin standing there at the shuttle station that he realized how much he cared about the pathetic lifeform entrusted to himAfter Anakin’s sobs subside Obi Wan tries his best to actually talk to his Padawan and see what he can do about allaying a few of those fears
And as they sat there, Anakin nestled in Obi Wan’s lap, they both couldn’t help but think that they would be okay
Everything would be okay