stiles stilinski + anxiety
1. They don’t hide their anxiety, they hide their symptoms.
To have concealed anxiety isn’t to deny having it – only to do
everything in your power to ensure other people don’t see you struggle.
2. They have the most anxiety about having anxiety.
Because they are not comfortable letting people see them in the throes
of an irrational panic, the most anxiety-inducing idea is… whether or
not they’ll have anxiety at any given moment in time.
3. They come across as a paradoxical mix of outgoing but introverted, very social but rarely out.
It is not that they are anti-social, just that they can only take being
around others incrementally (which is mostly normal). Yet, on the
surface, this may come across as confusing.
4. They make situations worse by trying to suppress their feelings about them. They
are extremely uncomfortable with other people seeing them in pain, and
they don’t want to feel pitied or as though they are compromising
anyone’s time. Yet, they make things worse for themselves by
suppressing, as it actually funnels a ton of energy into making the
problem larger and more present than it already was.
5. They are often hyper-aware and highly intuitive. Anxiousness
is an evolutionary function that essentially keeps us alive by making
us aware of our surroundings and other people’s motives. It’s only
uncomfortable when we don’t know how to manage it effectively – the
positive side is that it makes you hyper-conscious of what’s going on
6. Their deepest triggers are usually social situations. It’s
not that they feel anxious in an airplane, it’s that they feel anxious
in an airplane and are stuck around 50 other people. It’s not that they
will fail a test, but that they will fail a test and everyone in school
will find out and think they are incompetent and their parents will be
disappointed. It’s not that they will lose love, but that they will lose
love and nobody will ever love them again.
7. It is not always just a “panicked feeling” they have to hide.
It can also be a tendency to worry, catastrophizing, etc. The battle is
often (always?) between competing thoughts in their minds.
8. They are deep thinkers, and great problem-solvers.
One of the benefits of anxiety is that it leads you to considering
every worst case scenario, and then subsequently, how to handle or
respond to each.
9. They are almost always “self-regulating” their thoughts.
They’re talking themselves in, out, around, up or down from something
or another very often, and increasingly so in public places.
10. They don’t trust easily, but they will convince you that they do. They want to make the people around them feel loved and accepted as it eases their anxiety in a way.
11. They tend to desire control in other areas of their lives.
They’re over-workers or are manically particular about how they dress
or can’t really seem to let go of relationships if it wasn’t their idea
to end them.
12. They have all-or-nothing personalities, which is what creates the anxiety.
Despite being so extreme, they are highly indecisive. They try to
“figure out” whether or not something is right before they actually try
to do it.
13. They assume they are disliked. While this is often stressful, it often keeps them humble and grounded at the same time.
14. They are very driven (they care about the outcome of things).
They are in equal proportions as in control of their lives as they feel
out of control of their lives – this is because they so frequently try
to compensate for fear of the unknown.
15. They are very smart, but doubt it. A high intelligence is linked to increased anxiety (and being doubtful of one’s mental capacity are linked to both).
•your anxiety has made it difficult for you to voice your opinion
•your anxiety has made it difficult to dress the way you want
•your anxiety has made it difficult to ask for help
•your anxiety has made you constantly worry if you are being annoying and wonder if your friends and family are valid relationships or if they just put up with you because they have to
And please know that you are not fighting this battle alone. You are worth more than your anxiety says. You matter and so does your opinion and your say.
You are awesome
(I am definitely still doing them, and thank you for sending one along! And giving me a chance to explore a really great friendship that I don’t often get to!)
Bahorel doesn’t think to do more than give a warning knock at the apartment door, because Combeferre had mentioned it was unlocked and to just go ahead and drop things off with Enjolras or Courfeyrac, whoever was there.
“It’s me,” Bahorel calls as he steps into the well-lit apartment, only to be immediately derailed by the sight of Enjolras at the counter.
The thing is, Bahorel’s found, is that it’s not entirely uncommon to find Enjolras caught up in his own thoughts entirely, distracted and absent with a quiet frown as he contemplates the greater nature of the universe and justice and horizons only he can see. Once in a while, Bahorel will even stumble across an Enjolras who’s pushed too far and too hard, to the point where he’s conked out on the nearest safe surface or person.
Enjolras, for all his vast capacity for affection and his love of truly terrible, painful puns, is an incredibly restrained man. So just seeing him hunched over at the counter, with his hands loosely fisted in his springy halo of golden curls, sets Bahorel’s alarms off.
Bahorel steps out of his boots by the door and sets his bags down calmly as he can. He crosses over, making sure to approach from Enjolras’ line of sight, as he comes up.
Enjolras’ breathing is just a little too fast and ragged, and his eyes snap to a distressed focus when he looks up.
Aw thank you so much! This is great, I love the interaction between them!
You know when you’re watching a movie how INCREDIBLY tense the scene becomes when the music becomes THAT MUSIC? Like a person walking down a hallway isn’t a big deal on its own, but because of the music you KNOW shit’s about to go down.
That’s basically anxiety in a nutshell.
Seriously though. Imagine if real life had background music. You’re going about your day and then suddenly, for no reason whatsoever (because your brain is in charge of your background music and in this case anxiety means its timing is completely fucked up), the tense “shit’s about to go down” music starts. And you’re standing there in a paranoid panic going “WHAT THE FUCK I’M JUST MAKING TOAST HOW THE HELL AM I ABOUT TO DIE WHAT’S ABOUT TO HAPPEN FUCK FUCK FUCK”… and the answer is “nothing”. Nothing’s about to happen. That goddamn background music is lying. But it’s still going to make you tense because that’s what it DOES.
Fuckin’ background music.
Concept: Maybe “neurotypicals” who consistently reblog post about autism and other mental disorders and illnesses because they relate to them actually aren’t neurotypical, and just don’t know it.
Even the ones who say, “But everyone does this!” might only be saying it because they do it, and therefore think everyone does, when that’s not the reality.
Like, I remember someone who very obviously had OCD saying, “Everyone gets constant, upsetting intrusive thoughts, and does things to make them go away! It’s normal!” and everyone who responded to them were like, “Uh… No, it’s really not. You have a mental illness.”
I hate how everyone is so quick to assume anyone who relates to their posts without having every aspect of their mental state listed on their blog is obviously an evil, appropriating neurotypical. Maybe they are technically neurotypical, but have one or two traits associated with whatever form of neurodivergence. Maybe they’re neurodivergent and just don’t feel like listing it. Maybe they think they’re neurotypical, and are in the process of realising that they actually aren’t.
Please don’t be so quick to judge. This gatekeeping helps no one.
This is an extremely important point.
I know at least one trans person who didn’t realize they were trans until they were talking about how much they relate to trans things. Only, it was in the context of being dismissive of trans people. “Oh, sure, of course you prefer those pronouns. Everyone does.” But that wasn’t a cis person being dismissive of trans experiences; it was a trans person not understanding that they were trans.
Same thing with a lot of mental illness stuff.
Honestly, if you relate to an experience, you have the experience. Doesn’t matter whether you have it for the same reason someone else does.
On a similar note that I was thinking about recently: perhaps some neurodivergent people who are dismissed by their parents have neurodivergent parents who don’t know it. Like, if your mom says “everyone has that” when you tell her about your depression, there’s a decent chance that she’s not minimizing you, she just has depression herself and doesn’t realize it.
This is so so important. I started my journey with anxiety like this. And one of the first things my therapist asked me was whether or not there was a history of anxiety in my family. I honestly couldn’t answer her, because as far as I knew… there wasn’t? But then I thought about my mother.
My mother who can’t sleep if she can see that the outside light is still on at my house because she knows that it means I’m not home yet.
My mother who calls me at 9:30 on Wednesday nights, if I haven’t called her yet, just to ask if everything is all right because I usually call at 9, when I get out of class.
My mother who insisted on me calling her every night when I got home when I lived further away because otherwise I could have been kidnapped and no one would have known because I lived alone.
My mother who will work herself up for WEEKS over the fact that family members haven’t RSVPed to the summer family get-together because then she can’t plan food appropriately.
My mother who constantly imagines these dire futures for my niece and nephew based on the fact that they don’t have a swingset in their backyard.
My mother who imagines the worst case scenario for EVERYTHING.
And I realized… if my mother doesn’t have anxiety, too, then I’ll eat my fucking shoe.
And I had spent so much time feeling like how I felt was normal, in large part because I had my mother as an example of what “normal” looked like and I knew i was just the same. By the same token, she also has a huge difficulty understanding why my anxiety is occasionally so crippling–because she knows that she and I are alike in many ways and she’s always managed to do everything that needs to be done, so she doesn’t understand when I can’t. And just the fact that I was finally able to grasp where that communication breakdown was coming from helped A LOT on my end, at least.
So, yeah. Thank you, OP, and commenters, because this is definitely something that I think gets overlooked by people doing those gatekeeping behaviors.