fun new game: make more aromantic and asexual headcanons, but stop automatically assigning them to the most detached/unemotional characters
When I was a kid, the most thrilling thing that could happen to me was getting permission to have a friend stay the night. These sleepovers were so much fun that I was sure when I grew up I would live in a giant house with all of my friends forever. (I never wondered who would do the dishes.)
Nearly everyone I know had similar daydreams, but this is something we are supposed to grow out of, and replace with daydreams about living with a romantic partner.
This isn’t entirely going as planned for our society. It seems like every few weeks an article is circulated that inspires a giant online hand-wringing about millennials resisting committed romantic relationships, or Gen Xers continuing to have roommates. (“The millennial generation lacks the ability to love!” “Meet the people flatsharing in their 40s!”)
We’ve collectively decided that people who live with their friends have failed terribly, people who live with a partner have achieved incredible domestic success, and people who live alone or don’t centre their lives around romance are possibly just broken.
We are all encouraged to work hard to have stable lives. But at the same time, we’re encouraged to anchor our lives around the relationship that is the least stable.
It is uncomfortable to think of romantic love in those terms, but it’s not inaccurate.
Romance and dating is usually, “Okay, we’ve been on 10 dates or 25 dates or whatever, we’re in love! We’ve been dating for 18 months and it’s great, let’s get married! We’re married now, we’ve arrived!”
But friendship – no matter what kind it is: normative best friendship, passionate friendship, romantic friendship, queerplatonic friendship – is: “Who are you? I think I like you. Now I know you more. I like you more. Now I know you more. I like you more. You’ve changed. Who are you now? I know you again. I like you again. I know you more. I love you. I know you more. I love you. I just saw you in a new way. Still love you.”
Shout out to all the asexuals who don’t talk about how people look because they’re afraid someone will discredit them as asexuals.
Shout out to all the asexuals who try and help their friends with their love lives but really have no idea what to do.
Shout out to all the asexuals who try very hard in every relationship they are in but still feel like they’re botching it somehow.
Shout out to all the asexuals who are told by someone close to them that they are broken.
Shout out to all the asexuals who don’t know if they’re demi or gray or what because they’ve never actually fallen in love.
Shout out to all the asexuals who aren’t sure if the feelings they have towards a person are the ‘right’ ones.
Shout out to all the asexuals who are still coming to terms with their asexuality.
Shout out to all the asexuals who try and join LGBTQA+ communities only to discover they are the only asexual.
Shout out to all the asexuals who are constantly afraid that their actions or words will come off as flirting when they’re just trying to be nice.
Shout out to all the asexuals who want to be in a relationship but don’t know if they can satisfy their partner with only feelings.
Shout out to all the asexuals who feel disgusted by sex but try not to bring it up every time their friends start talking about it.
Shout out to all the asexuals who feel constantly demeaned as if they were children because they don’t want to experience sex.
Shout out to all the asexuals who can’t find a good book with a character not interested in love – just fighting dragons.
Shout out to all the asexuals who feel constantly assaulted by the idea that ‘asexuals don’t like sex’ because that’s not the right definition.
Shout out to all the asexuals who have to deal with super intrusive questions once they come out.
Shout out to all the asexuals who have yet to come out for fear of erasure and other such cruelties.
Shout out to all the asexuals, because you are an amazing, diverse group of fantastic human beings.
the idea of two aromantic platonic partners having a “convenience marriage” is like my favorite thing right now I’m both getting really excited and cracking up over the possibilities I mean just imagine:
- “we got married because of tax benefits”
- “we got married because it gave us an excuse to have sleepovers every night”
- “we got married because it seemed convenient to ‘pool our assets’ (aka our library is now twice as big, as is our collection of Disney movies)”
- “we got married because it gave us an excuse to ask for toasters from people as wedding gifts”
#we got married because weddings are really exciting and we can plan it how we want it and it doesn’t need to include kissing bc that can be weird#but it gives us an excuse to have a dessert table#because dESSERT TABLE#I just want dessert table festivities#festivities around a dessert table#ahh#desssseeeeerrrrrt#CHEESECAKES THOOOOOOOO#YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
this is the most important addition anyone has made to this post bless you and may the Force be with you my friend
#aromantic couple that learns about the practice of getting married again to ‘reaffirm your commitment’#and proceeds to get married every year#and every year the dessert table is bigger and more extravagent#and they start experimenting with variations on the ceremony (x)
#we got married because we only needed to buy one copy of each book #we got married because then no one goes to the movies alone #we got married because then we got to design WEDDING CLOTHES #we got married because pillow fights #we got married because this makes emergency contact info much easier #we got married because weirding out conservatives (x)
We got married because broadway duets while doing chores, we got married because HALF AS MANY CHORES, we got married because surprise cookies on bad days, we got married because surprise cookies on GOOD days, we got married so we’d never have to ask the other if we could come over today again, we got married so our parents would stop asking (x)
#we got married because someone will get meds when we’re sick #we got married because secondary income #we got married because joint big finish account #we got married because two people can walk more dogs than one person which means more dogs #we got married because broadway duets while doing anything #we got married because only one of us likes cooking and the other is fine with dishes #we got married because both of us like cooking and we can trade off #we got married because help with disabilities and someone who doesn’t judge #we got married because of the satisfaction of hearing ‘have you found someone yet’ and getting to say ‘yes’ and hang up #we got married because anniversary parties are even more fun than weddings #MORE DESSERT TABLES #we got married because couples discounts on things (x)
(an ace safe space)
that it’s ok if you don’t know exactly what kind of attraction you’re
feeling. I’ve noticed within the ace and aro communities we like to
split attraction up into neat categories of
aesthetic/sexual/romantic/sensual/qslurplatonic/etc. But feelings are
WEIRD and nebulous and fluid and sometimes impossible to define clearly.
And that’s ok.
Reblogging myself because it’s still relevant.