This came to me after living in a town for 5 years where if you aren’t married and having kids, everyone hates you.





Tips for respecting children’s spaces, competence, and general existence from a preschool teacher:

  • Listen to them
  • Ask them, “Do you want to say hi to your auntie/grandma/cousin/dad/whatevs” (Hint: they will be honest and this can result in a simple hello or a hug or a silly “No!” depending how comfortable they feel)
  • If they don’t want to hug you realize it’s not that they don’t love you it’s that they don’t know you/don’t feel like hugging.
  • Just like every other person who doesn’t want a hug
  • In the event that you need to move a child EXPLAIN TO THEM WHY and WHAT YOU ARE DOING don’t just move them like PROPS they are CHILDREN and NOT props
  • For instance, “I’m going to move your chair over so we have room at the table for everyone!”
  • Or  “Sorry there was a person running by I didn’t want you to get smushed so I had to pick you up!”
  • Remind them that they are people not objects using your actions
  • Asking children to do something they don’t want to do but NEED to do often doesn’t work, instead give them a choice, “Do you want to eat bok choy or yams?”
  • NOT “Do you want to eat your vegetables?”
  • “Do you want to brush your teeth in the bathroom or the kitchen”
  • This exercises their ever-growing free will and is especially useful during TERRIFIC TWOS okay TERRIFIC not TERRIBLE they’re TERRIFIC
  • Children will copy you, MODEL FOR THEM
  • Being over enthusiastic IS beneficial for them understanding emotional and social competence
  • “I hung this picture uneven, that makes me sad, hmmm! Oh goodie, I found my mistake! Now I can fix it, I’ll feel much happier when I’ve fixed it!”
  • You think it sounds ridic yeah well hearing you do that children around you just learned to not get so discouraged by their mistakes and that it’s okay to try to fix them
  • You make a mistake that hurt a child, APOLOGIZE and show them how to do it properly and genuinely
  • Realize children are fully competent and are capable of making meanings from YOUR implications about race, culture, gender, ability, sexuality, EVERYTHING
  • Many three year olds know what the N-word is, what gay means, can identify which children are visably disabled, and YOUR REACTIONS of their answers of questions about their culture
  • Children like to talk about themselves so do not ever dismiss what they say about themselves as illegitimate just because it sounds silly or unlikely sometimes it’s true
  • Stop talking about how you hate children, just leave them alone if you don’t understand them you don’t have to be complete jerks to PEOPLE you’ve never met
  • I will post more and if people have question PLS ASK ME I WOULD LOVE TO ANSWER WHAT I KNOW

This is spot on. 10 years as a nanny and this is pretty much what I did. Also guiding them with questions to help develop critical thinking skills:

  • “Yes, it does look like fun to climb on top of your cozy coupe, but what do you think might happen if you climb on something with wheels?”
  • “And if it rolls away with you on top, where do you think you might go?” 
  • “What do you think it would feel like to fall off and hit your head?” 

It might sound patronizing but children’s prefrontal cortices develop last, and this portion of the brain allows us to think critically, plan, and exercise self control. You can’t expect them to understand the consequences of their actions right off the bat, but using questions helps them to move through, step by step, potential outcomes of their behaviors. 

Oh, and praising good behaviors instead of just applying labels:

  • In addition to “you’re a great climber!” try “Great job figuring out how to climb to the top of that wall! You saw that your arm couldn’t reach the next handhold so you used your legs to push yourself up instead!”
  • or in addition to “you’re a talented singer” try “I’m proud of how hard you’ve worked to learn that song. You stuck with it and kept trying until you memorized it and could do it exactly how you wanted.”

Don’t just reward kids for doing well, teach kids how to do well by praising the behaviors that worked for them.

I love this.

I need to show this to my parents (but I won’t). I was expected to show responsibility for my actions as a toddler. (Also, that fall really, really hurts. I have no clue how much damage a faceplant on a stone floor can do, because instead of an er trip, I got two black eyes and, “Shouldn’t’a done that!”)


re: not wanting kids



i’ve seen a lot of pushback against “kid hating” lately, so let me just say a few things:

  • i don’t particularly like kids
  • they make me uncomfortable
  • the idea of being responsible for the physical and emotional well being of a child freaks me out
  • being pregnant is incredibly unappealing to me
  • i wouldn’t want to screw up my kids or scar them in any way with my shitty parenting
  • i don’t want to have to organize my personal/professional lifestyle and finances around my children for 21+ years
  • i just don’t want kids


  • i would never be mean to children
  • i love other people’s kids
  • i completely understand why other people want children
  • i’m fully aware that many others struggle to conceive and i would never disrespect or belittle that pain
  • i don’t think less of anyone for wanting kids

the idea that people who don’t want kids are inherently selfish, uncaring assholes is a lazy, misogynistic attempt to shame people (primarily women) for prioritizing personal goals and self care above parenthood. Choosing to have children doesn’t automatically make you more kind or selfless or fulfilled than people who don’t. Wanting to remain childfree is not the same as “hating kids,” nor does it mean you’re a horrible person. It’s a personal choice like everything else, so can we please stop being shitty about it?

This is absolutely 100% what I’ve been trying to say