It starts with them walking home one day. ‘Ferre wants to do an experiment on how people see same gender relationships in their little village and so they agree that they’ll hold hands every time they’re together for a couple of days.
You know, totally just for science.
Cut to a week later and they’re holding hands constantly, sitting on each other’s laps, cuddling during movies and their friends are wondering how long this experiment was actually meant to last for.
The strange looks they got for the first week start gradually disappearing as people get used to them.
They don’t notice how much more time they’re spending together until Marius asks Courf one day how they’re coping with being like a couple for so long. That’s when he realises that he might be a little bit in love with ‘Ferre.
Then they’re watching a movie one day, huddled under a pile of blankets and Courf decides to ask whether the experiment’s going to last much longer.
“’Ferre?” *blink blink* “’Ferre?”
“Well… I don’t know…”
Confused adorable puppy ‘Ferre looks at small kinda-smiley Courf and Courf just says “Fuck it” and kisses ‘Ferre so hard they both go dizzy but when he finally pulls away ‘Ferre’s right back in there.
The ‘experiment’ ends up including marriage and kids too.
“In my defense,” said Courfeyrac,
“I didn’t intend to bring it home.”
Marius continued to stare at his
roommate without saying a word. Finally, he managed to respond,
exasperated, “Then please explain what exactly you intended to do
“I merely intended to placate my
father, whose insistence that I marry and carry on the family name is
exhausting; as well you know, I have no intention of passing along
that damned particle.”
“So you intended to give it to
someone with whom you have no chance of… of procreating.”
Courfeyrac grinned as he held out the
ring, “So, may I take that as a yes?”
“Well it d-mned sure isn’t going to fit me,” Grantaire said
from the other side of the table.
Courfeyrac shook the offending dress invitingly. “It’s true
that Jehan would have made a better Madame Grantaire, but no one would let him
into the party with measles and you’re the closest to his measurments.”
“It’ll complement your eyes,” said Combeferre in a perfect
deadpan. Enjolras glared at him.
“I can’t believe you’re complaining more about the dress
than about pretending to be married to me,” added Grantaire.
“I,” said Enjolras carefully, cautiously, not even slightly
boiling over with wrath, “am capable of prioritizing,”
I want to write an alternative version of Romeo and Juliet where instead of being a little ponce and trying to work things out for himself, Romeo asks his smarter friends what to do about the whole thing and Benvolio and Mercutio come up with the world’s greatest plan:
Marriage of convenience between Juliet and Mercutio.
Think about it.
Juliet’s parents want her to marry into the Prince’s family. Mercutio is a good compromise between no marriage and Paris.
Mercutio probably won’t get his inheritance if he keeps being HELLA FUCKING GAY ALL OVER THE PLACE so a beard is only a benefit to him.
They would probably get along great rolling their eyes at how adorably stupid Romeo is.
Romeo and Benvolio could get a “bachelor pad” right next to Juliet and Mercutio’s house. Every night, Romeo and Mercutio high five as they hop the fence to go bang their one true love.
The second half of the play is just all of them trying to keep up the charade and being “THIS CLOSE” to getting caught all the time. But everything ends nicely because true love conquers all.
Everybody wins. Nobody dies.
THE SHAKESPERE AU I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED
DUDE DID YOU JUST FIX ONE OF THE MOST ICONIC PLAYS EVER CREATED?!
ONCE AGAIN EVERYTHING IS SOLVED BY THE QUEER LENS.