Yeah, I’ve read Les Misérables.

But I don’t remember the part where Jesus rescues Johannes Brahms from under a cart in quicksand.

…I don’t recall Valjean stripping down to his…uh…bodygrease in the Cart Scene.


What do you mean? He’s always ripping his shirt off. What’s the point of having muscles if you don’t SHOW ‘EM OFF?

By the witness of the martyrs 
By the passion and the blood 
Son your abs are righteous shredded
Go show off that kickass bod



the other day I was taking a walk when I saw this old guy trapped under a cart. people were trying to help him but it was too heavy so I stepped forward and lifted it off him (I work out a lot.) then, this old police inspector told me I had to be a convict because of how strong I was. I looked him straight in the eye and said, “it’s 1815. anyone can be strong, including non felons, women, and gay people. the only person who’s weak here is you.” he started crying and gave me fifty crowns while everyone clapped, even the nuns


do you ever just remember valjean’s james bond moment where he first broke into a convent totally on accident and then had to figure out how to break out of the convent just so that he could come back into the convent totally legally

and. his method of breaking out. was by coffin. 

because a nun had died. and this nun was like “i mUST be buried beneath the alter” but the government was like “NO nuns, you gotta be buried in a cemetery.” so they sent over a coffin, and it was the gardener’s (a.k.a. someone who totally loved valjean and knew him from when he was mayor, and whose garden valjean had just happened to conveniently fall into) job to weight the coffin

so valjean got nailed into her coffin and taken to a grave and then nearly buried alive because it turned out that there was a new gravedigger who was totally not in the pocket of fauchelevent, because the original gravedigger had died

that was so wild