A Crash Course on Asexuality, for Non-Aces

guardiandae:

What is Asexuality?

Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction. That’s it.

Okay so aces can’t have sex or anything to do with sex?

Nope, that’s not what I said.

Sexual behavior does not determine sexual orientation or lack thereof.

Asexuals can:

– Have a sex drive (libido)

– Masturbate

– Watch porn

– Have dirty minds

– Bake cookies

– Have sex

– Have children

– Get married

– Play sports

– Fall in love

…Or they can have zero interest in any of these things, and none of this has anything to do with their status of being asexual.

Wait, if they can have sex then how are they asexual?!

Asexuals can have sex for lots of reasons. Some want to be close to their partner, or want to have kids, some don’t know they are asexual and have sex just because they think that’s what everyone is supposed to do, some get pressured into sex, some have a libido and have sex purely as a way to get off, but still don’t feel any sexual attraction. Some never have sex, never masturbate, and never understand the point of it.

Every asexual experience is different. Aces can range from sex-repulsed, to completely indifferent, to very sex positive! What all aces have in common is that they don’t feel sexual attraction, or very rarely ever feel sexual attraction.

How do you know if you’ve felt sexual attraction or not?

For some, there is never any doubt they are asexual. For others, sexual attraction can get confused with platonic, aesthetic, romantic, or even sensual attraction. Ultimately, it comes down to the individual to decide whether the asexual label suits them or not.

(Note: Platonic attraction is basically wanting to be friends with someone, Aesthetic attraction is finding someone beautiful (not necessarily ‘standard’ beauty, whatever is beautiful to you), Romantic is wanting to date someone and that can mean different things to different people, Sensual is wanting to have non-sexual contact with someone like kissing, touching, cuddling, and Sexual attraction is wanting to have sexual contact with someone.)

I don’t understand any of this!

It is absolutely okay to not understand asexuality! Trust me, asexuals don’t understand non-aces either. Just remember that even if it’s hard for you to understand, that doesn’t mean it isn’t real! (I don’t understand calculus, but it’s still real!)

How can I be a good ally?

– Educate yourself, read more about it, ask an ace if it’s okay to ask them questions! Odds are, you probably already know a bunch of people who are asexual even if you think you don’t.

– If you have asexual friends, ask them what they are comfortable with in regards to even talking and joking about sex, and then do your best to respect that. Some have dirtier minds than anybody, some are indifferent either way, but others might not be comfortable around any kind of sex talk. Just ask!

– Don’t make acephobic comments. Stuff like, “but everybody wants sex, it’s just natural”, “are you even human?”, “have you seen a doctor/therapist?”, “you’ll change your mind when you meet the right person”, “you’re too young to know”, “you just want attention”, “you must think you’re better than everyone else”, “you can’t be asexual because (I think I know your life better than you)”, “you’re just a prude/frigid/naive”, “you’re never going to have a happy relationship”, “if you don’t have sex with your partner, you don’t really love them”, “how do you know if you’ve never tried it?”, “asexual? so you think you’re a plant/sponge?”, “asexuality isn’t real”, “acephobia isn’t real”… etc and so on, are dehumanizing and just plain ignorant, even if you think you mean well. If you wouldn’t want someone saying that to you, don’t say it to us!

– Don’t erase us. Don’t invalidate us. It’s that simple. Even if you can’t understand asexuality, it’s 100% okay to say, “I don’t understand your experience, but I still support you.”

We aren’t weird, we aren’t trying to be special. Asexuality has always existed, it isn’t new, but lately we’re finally able to say, “Hey, by the way, we exist” and have pride in ourselves. All you need to do is say, “Okay, cool.” Respect it, and carry on. That’s it.

Thank you!

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tptigger:

evilythedwarf:

untapdtreasure:

willowfae82:

minnigem:

iopele:

obstinate-nocturna:

sailornightfury:

toboldlygowherethewinchestersare:

classykatelyn:

housebuiltbyghosts:

kimchicutie:

acorn-burglar:

theforcekeepers:

DO NOT DO THIS.

This makes me so angry.

If you work in a movie theater and you do this I have no respect for you.

My younger brother is Type 1 Diabetic.

When we go to a movie theater, we always get him diet soda. If he were to get regular when we asked for diet, we would not give him the insulin he would need for it. If that happens, his blood sugar level could go so high he could go into a coma, go blind, or even die.

If somebody gave him regular soda instead of diet without telling us, that person could be responsible for a nine-year-old being killed or blinded.

Just thinking about that makes me so angry. I get scared every time we take him to a movie in case the people working there saw this picture and decide to do the same thing.

Please signal boost this so people know.

This also applies to baristas

Fun story about the baristas doing this kind of shit. 

I am very sensitive to lactose, not Lactose intolerant but because of stomach ulcers that are still healing. A couple years ago I went to Starbucks right after my classes with some friends and asked for a green tea latte with soy milk. The barista, for some reason out of malice and/or hate for her life so she took it out on me, gave me whole milk in my latte.

5 minutes after my first sip of latte, my stomach cramped BAD. Not the “Oh! time to poop!” kind of cramp but it felt like someone had stabbed me with a knife and twisted it. Now I’ve had this happen before so I knew the cause of it. I went up to the barista clutching my gut screaming at her that she put dairy in my latte rather than soy LIKE I REQUESTED. She denied it and called me a “pretentious white girl for wanting soy”and so my friends got the manager. I had to explain that I had stomach ulcers that were still healing and if I were to go to the hospital for this incident, they would be responsible for it.

Manager flipped his shit and the barista was terrified out of her mind. Pretty sure both thought i was gonna sue. Manager actually fired her on the spot because of the negligence. My friends managed to get me home in one piece while I stayed home for 3 days in absolute agony and missed my midterm.

So remember kiddies, if someone is asking for Diet or “Skinny” or “soy” or anything that is not regular, give them what they requested because it may not be them being healthy, but a dietary need that can possibly be life or death

also if they ARE trying to be healthy you should give it to them to!! Its not your decision to police or question others food choices!!! 

also im lactose intolerant AND ive had stomach infections/ulcers so i feel this. 

I have Celiac Disease, so I’m very gluten intolerant. When I go out to eat at restaurants a lot of people just assume that I asked for my food gluten free because of the gluten free diet fad (which is usually a bullshit diet btw). 

Last month I went out to dinner with a friend at an italian restaurant that had a small gluten free menu. I had been there once before and had their gluten free pasta and it was great! I think one of the managers had been there and was super helpful when taking my order to make sure that everything was gluten free for me. When I ordered the gluten free pasta again this time though, the waitress who took my order all but rolled her eyes at me. I didn’t think much of it at the time, because the restaurant was so accommodating before, I just assumed it would be the same this time.

But sure enough, they brought out my pasta, I ate it, and about an hour later I had extreme stomach pains and was throwing up (in a movie theater no less).

Barfing and agonizing pain aside, eating gluten when you have celiac causes a lot of internal damage that’s hard to notice. The biggest thing is that it damages your intestines, preventing your body from absorbing nutrients properly, which can take months to heal.

So PLEASE, if you work at a restaurant or anything with food and someone asks for something a certain way, please listen to them and don’t just disregard someone’s order. It’s not funny and it can have serious consequences.

I will reblog this with every single story about someone getting sick because of an asshole giving them the opposite of what they ordered until it sinks in for everyone.

Recently on the news a 16 year old boy with a dairy allergy had gone to eat at IHOP with his family. The specifically asked if they could make dairy free pancakes and they said yes. Not too long after he had a reaction and was rushed to the hospital. This kid died because the was dairy in his pancakes that they asked for no dairy. His epi pen that his mother had wasn’t enough to help him. I know working in fast food or any job that’s serves food and beverage sucks but not as much as causing someone to get sick over negligence.

My youngest cousin – who is now five, he just started kindergarten – has Celiac’s disease. You would not BELEIVE the amount of times I’ve heard my aunt say she’s ordered something gluten free, only to watch the waiter or waitress’s eyes go huge when she gives it to my cousin – my cousin with the medical id band on his tiny five year old wrist proclaiming I HAVE CELIACS and have to take it back.

Shit like this could kill my cousin. Knock it the fuck off.

I cannot tolerate caffeine–it makes me have chest pain and a racing pulse, and also gives me horrible body pain, so I always ask for decaf if I order coffee when I’m out, and doublecheck with the waiter/ress when they bring it. but instead of saying “is this decaf like I asked for?” I always say “oh, did I remember to order decaf?” I shouldn’t have to act like I’m the forgetful one (because I know damn well I asked for decaf) but it seems to work better than implying that they screwed up when I take the blame on myself like that. and if there’s any hesitation when they answer, I tell them, “if there’s any doubt, please get another one, or just give me water–if this is regular, it’ll mess up my heart” and lots of times when I say that, they look alarmed and go change it or get another one. 

but I shouldn’t HAVE to share my personal medical history with strangers just to get my order right! no one should! how is it their business? it makes me really uncomfortable to have to do that. JUST GIVE PEOPLE WHAT THEY ORDER!

I’ve reblogged this maaaany times before but there’s a few new stories on here so i’m doing it again.

cut this shit out

don’t be that kind of asshole.

As a diabetic, this would make me so beyond angry. Skinny doesn’t mean they don’t have a life threatening illness. Skinny doesn’t mean they can process sugar the way you do. People that do this are the worst kinds of people. DO NOT DO THIS!

Me and my family went to a restaurant a few years back and one of the dishes we ordered was made with wine vinegar, which I am allergic to, so we asked the waiter to skip it, and he said sure, no problem, that’s fine.

So my food gets to the table, and I start eating and then my throat closes and I can’t breathe and then I start coughing and throwing up right there in the middle of the restaurant and it was very fortunate that I was with my family and they knew what was happening to me.

I had to be rushed to the hospital, and admitted, and I came damn near close to having my throat cut open so I could breathe through a whole on my neck.

Because they put wine vinegar in my food when I explicitly told them not to, because they were assholes, and I could have died.

They probably didn’t mean to hurt me but they did. I missed class, and work, and, again, I COULD HAVE DIED.

So much all of this. Unless I’m at a Chinese restaurant, I always tell the waitstaff about my dairy allergy– because then there’s a 95% chance they’ll take me seriously. I’ve learned to read them, and check everything, and make sure to order things that are “easily” adjusted (there are certain places I don’t order a salad because the cheese is too close to the salad bin and they can’t seem to give me one without any). I’ve accepted that every time I go out to eat, I’m pretty much putting my life in other people’s hands. It sucks, and my friends and coworkers don’t always understand why I don’t find going out to eat a treat.

If I’m getting something small, though, like french fries (OMG, McDonald’s fries have beef tallow with milk in it though?), or a drink, I don’t usually tell them. Especially if it’s just a drink and a bag of chips and the ingredients on the chips are right there.

If I had trouble with sugar, though? I wouldn’t think much to say “I absolutely must have diet soda because I’m diabetic” because that shouldn’t be so hard to do right.

Always give people what they ordered. You don’t know why they’re asking.

oldfilmsflicker:

Ever After, 1998 (dir. Andy Tennant)

timeinyourteeth:

those who barely missed becoming historic: feuilly

Enjolras cried: “Listen to me, you, Feuilly, valiant artisan, man of the people. I revere you. Yes, you clearly behold the future, yes, you are right. You had neither father nor mother, Feuilly; you adopted humanity for your mother and right for your father.

poplitealqueen:

anakinsbutt:

charnatoiba:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

charnatoiba:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

charnatoiba:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

hartoffoot:

anakinsbutt:

date a guy who is handsome and can draw
date a guy who is a hero to the galaxy
date a guy who praises the ground you walk on
date a guy who loves you more than anything
date a guy who would commit mass murder and betrayal for you
date Anakin Skywalker

#do NOT date Anakin Skywalker 

#you will get PREGNANT and DIE

This went from Star Wars to Mean Girls in no time at all

‘The greatest people you will ever meet and the worst. Beware of the Sith’

Raise your hand if you feel personally victimised by Senator Palpatine

Nice wig what’s it made out of?
Chewbakas chest hair

“If you’re voiced by James Earl Jones, why are you white?”

“Oh my GOD Luke you can’t just ask the Lord of the Sith why he’s white”

Get in Skywalker. We’re going Jedi training

i have whiplash from this

This is so perfect.