Digital Intimacy

mortalityplays:

  • knowing when your friend is out of the house, because their phone capitalises their messages
  • noticing they’re down because that was the wrong emoticon
  • lol vs lmao vs hahaha vs ahaha
  • subtly wrapping your schedule around the edges of timezones on the other side of the world
  • conversations that play out over a week because you’re both perpetually idle but you want to know how they’re doing
  • not being able to wake up for an alarm, but leaping halfway across the house for the message alert you’ve been waiting for

  • talking to the same person about different topics in three conversations simultaneously
  • knowing when your friends have been spending time together because they start to type alike 
  • watching them start and stop typing over and over and not interrupting, because this must be important

eirenical:

I canNOT believe I got that presentation finished.  O_O

(OK, I still have to finish the actual powerpoint, but the outline is done and that was the hard part.)

Now I just need to make it to work on time.

*glances at clock*  *sweats*

So, joke’s on me.  Turns out that this was like… the best birthday I’ve had in a really, really long time.  ^_^  One thing that helped was that I stayed the fuck off Facebook.  Another thing that helped was that I was out and busy all day, so I didn’t have time to dwell on how stressed and upset my birthday usually makes me.  Another thing that helped is that one of my classmates heard it was my birthday and immediately decided she was taking me out to dinner (her treat) after class.  And we had SUCH an amazing time.  So, that was awesome.  ^_^

I mean… at the risk of sounding pathetic, for the past 20 years, all I have EVER wanted for my birthday was for a friend to hang out with me.  Get dinner, see a movie, WHATEVER, just hang out with me for a couple of hours (preferably without me having to be the one to suggest it, but I wasn’t going to be picky about it).

…what can I say?  I set the bar low.  😛

ANYWAY, this was EXACTLY what I meant.  It was her idea – she invited me – and we just went and had dinner and hung out and talked for a couple of hours.  ^_^  So I am a VERY happy chibi right now.

(Also I totally rocked the stat final AND did pretty well on my presentation.  So that didn’t hurt!  ;D  Also, my students sang happy birthday to me and it was kind of adorable.  ^_^  ALSO, about the presentation – the friend I went out with was sitting next to a former teacher of ours (whom I really admire and want to have on my dissertation committee) and our current teacher during the presentations.  Apparently when I was done, our current teacher leaned over to our former teacher and said, “She is REALLY GOOD!  :D”  And our former teacher said, “I know!  She really is!  :D”  And that was kind of amazing to hear.  ^_^  Yeah, apparently I kicked ass with that presentation even though _I_ thought I was scattered and rushed and all over the place.  O_o;;;  BUT WHAT DO I KNOW??  XD)

Anyway, a great time was had by all and I’m going to answer birthday messages now.  ^_^  Thanks for listening!  ^_^

If someone isn’t available during your most crucial time, then their presence any other time is useless.

neurotoxinsonline:

mymindsecho:

kushandwizdom:

This isn’t realistic for adults. I’m sorry it’s just not.

Don’t fall into believing that, “if they’re a true friend they’ll drop everything and run to be by your side!” crap.

As a responsible adult there will be times that your friends are hurting and you won’t be able to go to them.

There are times that you will have to go to work, or take your sick kid to the doctor, or do many other things that will prevent you from being there for your friend.

When your friend calls you and they’re falling apart and it’s ten minutes until you have to leave for work, you’re not a bad friend for saying, “Look, I love you. I’m sorry this is happening, but I have to go. I’ll call you back tonight when the kids are asleep.” Or “I’m so sorry this is happening. I love you and I want to be here for you but I’ve got to get to work. I’ll call and check on you during my lunch.”

Adult life is hectic and busy with important things all the time and unfortunately it’s also full of shitty things happening to people we love.

Do your best to be there for the people you love and ask for support when you need it but be understanding when being a responsible adult comes before helping you.

The idea that people need to be there any time you need them is really damaging and unhealthy, too. You can’t place value on a person or a relationship based solely on whether or not they’re available, no questions asked, whenever you need them.

In addition to the above: sometimes, someone simply does not have the energy to help. Maybe they’re coming out of a rough patch themself, maybe they have been busy all day,maybe a chronic illness is flaring up. There are a myriad of reasons someone may not be able to be there.

Obviously, if someone is taking you for granted, and never seems to care how you’re doing, that’s an issue. But to write someone off because their life and your life didn’t line up quite right at a given point in time, or maybe even on more than one occasion, is not a healthy way to handle things.

ryanvoid:

i adore how much Dirty Millennial Writers focus on found family as a central theme. we love it so much! we all just wanna move in together in a big house with all of our friends and marry everyone, and i think that’s nice

angstyvibes:

my favorite way to hang out is so lowkey like u wanna watch reality tv all day in our sweats?? ok. wanna do homework n barely even talk except to complain about how much work it is?? ok. wanna read different books while sharing an entire tub of ice cream?? ok. going out is so much effort like sometimes u just wanna enjoy someone’s company without doing anything “special” and i think those are actually the most special times 

captainpunkrogers:

life hack: be best friends with a slytherin. they will steal cupcakes for you from work and tell you to drop toxic people from your life with no reservations. they will be the ones ordering you to stop and breathe and call in sick, to screw your commitments if they see you’re sacrificing your mental health. they’re the ones to say “don’t you dare settle” and “you deserve better” in a ruthless, matter-of-fact tone. they’ll be the ones saying it’s okay to put yourself first, the voice you need to hear after a long day or week or month. trust me, be best friends with a slytherin.

When I was a kid, the most thrilling thing that could happen to me was getting permission to have a friend stay the night. These sleepovers were so much fun that I was sure when I grew up I would live in a giant house with all of my friends forever. (I never wondered who would do the dishes.)

Nearly everyone I know had similar daydreams, but this is something we are supposed to grow out of, and replace with daydreams about living with a romantic partner.

This isn’t entirely going as planned for our society. It seems like every few weeks an article is circulated that inspires a giant online hand-wringing about millennials resisting committed romantic relationships, or Gen Xers continuing to have roommates. (“The millennial generation lacks the ability to love!” “Meet the people flatsharing in their 40s!”)

We’ve collectively decided that people who live with their friends have failed terribly, people who live with a partner have achieved incredible domestic success, and people who live alone or don’t centre their lives around romance are possibly just broken.

We are all encouraged to work hard to have stable lives. But at the same time, we’re encouraged to anchor our lives around the relationship that is the least stable.

It is uncomfortable to think of romantic love in those terms, but it’s not inaccurate.

Audra Williams, from this National Post article “Why living with your friends doesn’t make you a bad adult”. Really interesting and valid as an observation of the state of our society nowadays and the fact that focus on marriage as ‘success’ is totally ideological, but it also resonated with me as a defense of asexuality; and ace, aro issues. Romance does not have to rule your life.
(via 360degreesasthecrowflies)