the star wars movie NOBODY asked for
So, the thing is:
-Luke Skywalker is a virgin at twenty-three. And, like, okay, it’s not as though he didn’t have opportunities. He totally had opportunities. After he blew up the Death Star? He could have slept with, like. At least three separate people, if he’d wanted.
-but he politely declined them all, on account of having very stupidly lost his heart to
-A) Han Solo, and
-B) Princess Leia.
-he doesn’t know about the incest yet. He’s nineteen when he joins the Rebellion. He pretty much knows that Han is kind and Leia is good; that there’s a singing, sparking connection that’s drawing tighter every day between the three of them, and he doesn’t know how he loves them but he loves them; doesn’t know how he wants them but he wants them.
-and years go by, fighting the Empire and learning to be a Jedi and loving both of them better and wanting in ways that stay frustratingly inchoate, until all three of them are caught in this weird dissatisfying triangle of love and friendship and loyalty that means they’re circling each other endlessly, waiting for whatever the missing piece is to click into place.
-what I mean by this is: the Rebellion is FULL of jokes about poor baby Luke and his blindingly obvious crushes, and there’s a betting pool on whether it’s Han or Leia that will take pity on him first.
-what I mean by this is: Leia gives Luke a lingering kiss to show Han what he’s missing, and no one’s exactly sure who they’re jealous of, no one’s exactly sure of what they want, or how they want it.
-Leia feels weird about the kiss, even at the time. She decides she feels bad about giving Luke the wrong idea. (She wonders, though. Her connection with Luke is so strong, so clear and good and inevitable.)
-Luke has to pretend to be Han’s boyfriend on a covert mission one time, and it is terrible and wonderful and he almost dies of embarrassment when Han kisses him for the op and he lets out this dumb involuntary little moan, and when the mission’s over Han goes all pink and weird and Luke’s full of misery and want and something almost, almost happens–but then Han takes off for a few months without explanation and Leia broods and yells and when Han comes back they pretend it never happened.
-anyway. this is backstory. this is all in preparation for the party at the battle of Endor, for the utterly knowing look on Lando’s face as he watches Luke watch Han and Leia.
THE KEEP READING THINGY IS WORKING AGAIN GUYS, YOU CAN NOW READ THE ONLY CANON STORY THAT MATTERS
this is literally luke and han’s gay wedding with leia exercising her powers as a senator to officiate the ceremony, chewbacca is han’s best man, c-3po and r2d2 are luke’s best men, the song playing in this cap is young and beautiful by lana del rey, luke’s choice
When I was little I TOTALLY thought that that’s EXACTLY what was going on here, and I’ve spoken to several other people who saw this movie as little kids and thought that Luke and Han were getting married.
Funny thing is, Mark and Harrison thought so too!!
Seriously though, this scene. WHY DID THEY DELETE THIS SCENE?
And as they went away with Luke letting Han’s hand trail out of his, I thought, “…as though millions of Han/Luke shipper voices suddenly cried out and were silenced.”
In all my days I’ve never shipped this till…
Welp, if I didn’t ship it before…
True story from ancient fandom corner: people did ship it, and that shit was stomped on harder than any slash has ever been stomped on. There were lawsuits. SW slash went WAY underground–even in the days when all slash was underground. There were ‘zines, but they were precious as carbuncles and basically if you had one or wrote in one you were like a fucking badass slash bandit.
I may have reblogged this before but I am compelled to do so again.
Let’s all raise a glass to the badass slash bandits who have come before.
There’s no way in fuck anyone has ever though of a carbuncle as precious, I thought:
1. a severe abscess or multiple boil in the skin, typically infected with staphylococcus bacteria. synonyms: boil, sore, abscess, pustule, wen.
and then I saw:
2. a bright red gem, in particular a garnet cut en cabochon.
English is stupid and amazing.
Also, why was that scene taken out come on.