Anakin sometimes thinks of the dread that eats at his heart as a
dragon. Children on Tatooine tell each other of the dragons that
live inside the suns; smaller cousins of the sun-dragons are
supposed to live inside the fusion furnaces that power everything
from starships to Podracers.
But Anakin’s fear is another kind of dragon. A cold kind. A dead kind.
Not nearly dead enough.
Character: [doesnt have any dialogue. Barely ever seen in source material & fanworks. Has minimal, if any, provided backstory]
Me, pushing aside fan faves: HEY. YOU THERE. hEy . T H E R E. Hey, you there, i see you over there, i want u to c omE HERE
- If you sometimes feel like it was pure, ridiculous hubris that you ever started a story that would take so much work and persistence to finish, I promise you, you’re not alone.
- If you feel like you’ve already been writing forever and the “good bits” are still ages away, you’re not alone.
- If you’ve been stuck for days or weeks or longer because you know what happens later but you don’t know what happens next, you’re not alone.
- If you’re desperate to squeal about your beloved OTP but you feel like you can’t, because spoilers, and it’s driving you nuts, you’re not alone.
- If you feel like you’ll never finish and you’re bound to fuck it up somehow, you’re not alone.
- If you wonder if you’ve sabotaged yourself because who’s going to click through to a 28 chapter WIP, you’re not alone.
- If you feel like you’ve been pouring your life into a single story for ages and will be for ages still and you don’t know why anymore because hardly anyone seems to care, you’re not alone.
- If you can hardly even plan the further-away parts of the story or even think about them because thinking about them reminds you how absurdly far you still have to go and you get massive anxiety, please believe me. You are not alone.
‘WHY HAS THAT WIP I’M FOLLOWING NOT BEEN UPDATED?’ ROULETTE!
- Author got little to no feedback on previous chapter, thinks nobody cares and/or everyone hates the story
- Author received negative feedback and thinks everyone hates the story
- Author started another story in order to get rid of writer’s block brought on by WIP and is now totally consumed by new story, keeps staring guiltily at WIP reminding his/herself to continue it
- Author’s real life suddenly got TOO REAL.
- Author got seduced by another fandom
- Author doesn’t use sofware that autosaves and lost most of the next chapter, is too lazy to rewrite
- Author has sudden case of believing everything they write is absolute shit and doesn’t want to subject you to sub-par work
- The story has been pretty much leading up to the next chapter and Author is now procrastinating out of fear and self doubt because they’re pretty sure they’re gonna mess it up
- Author thought it was okay to lead into this one plot point, but due to feedback/further reflection, has now realised that they need to write another 3000 words to get there and is not emotionally ready
I have the weather headache from hell. And a lovely little anxiety rev-up starring dizziness, racing heart, clenched teeth and nausea.
I’m starting to hate Tuesday nights.
The weather headache isn’t helping.
My problem is that I’ll randomly get really motivated to do shit, but it’s within such a small window of time that I must do the thing at that EXACT moment and if I don’t the moment passes and I’ll have to wait like at least whole month for another random burst of motivation to do the thing ya feel
even if u think les mis doesn’t own me remember this: it does
Thing #1 that frustrates me about ADHD/Executive Dysfunction advice:
“Oh, you have a mental/neurological issue that makes it difficult for you to be organized, follow routines, stick with systems, maintain a schedule, do your work, etc.? Well, what you need to do is GET ORGANIZED! Schedule everything! Find a system and stick with it! Maintain a schedule! Do your work as it comes in!”
It’s like that Allie Brosh comic where her fish are dead, and everyone’s offering to help find them, or advice like “feed them!” Or “make puppets out of them!” And she says, “No, see, that solution is for a different problem than the one I have.”
Yes, I would love to do those things! I have tried to do those things! I am still trying to do those things! But it’s like that post about how you’re going through an invisible obstacle course, and what looks like a block to everyone else seems like a wall to you. Instead of saying, “it’s a block! Go around!” It would be much more useful to hand me a bag of flour so I can see the obstacles for myself and how to get around them.
I keep looking for something I can do. I can’t maintain an agenda- closest I can do is lot appointments into Google Calendar. I can’t use to-do lists- they overwhelm and freak me out and I end up doing less than before. Breaking down a task into a bunch of tiny pieces should work in theory, but again, freaks me out, and I usually end up spending an hour planning and then I never actually do. I can’t set deadlines for myself. Whatever part of the brain allows other people to say, “yes, it’s due on the 29th, but I want to be done on the 25th” just doesn’t work. I can’t make my brain think something needs to be done until the last minute. This is especially bad in classes where everything is due at the end of the semester. I end up doing what I just did, and having to do two whole classes worth of work in two days. Oddly, once that level of desperation kicks in, I’m capable of sitting down and pounding through the material- but for some reason, I can’t tap into that level of focus without a short, urgent, important deadline. Maybe one day I’ll figure it out.
Thing #2 that bugs me about all self help: Don’t wait for motivation! Just do it!
I think my definition of “motivation” is different from the usual. Most people see “motivation” as meaning something like “wanting to do something, looking forward to doing something, doing the thing with energy and happiness because it is the thing you want to do.”
My definition is closer to “having enough willpower to make myself do the thing despite everything in my brain begging me to go watch Netflix instead.” So when people say, “you don’t need motivation!” What I hear is “everyone else seems to have this source of willpower they can eventually learn to tap into that just doesn’t exist for me.” My best technique for doing stuff is having other people make me do it. Which freaks out my social anxiety because then I feel like I’m intruding on their time to make them help me with mine.
The thing is, I’m not lazy. If I were just lazy this would all be easier to cope with. I WANT to be doing things, I WANT to be successful, I WANT to be productive. I even try, really hard, and the effort that exhausts me seems to be so much lower than the typical threshold. But every time I try to be as productive as I want to be, I burn out in a couple days.
I am on the verge of tears because this is everything that frustrates me about my own ADHD. Every word of this reflects my experience.
i’m so bad today i can only read every fifth sentence and it STILL hits me in the gut. well expressed.
my executive dysfunction lately has been so bad i can’t even work on my hobbies. i can’t even stim right. one of my favorite stims is to lay out a textile work in progress and play with the pieces, rearranging them and finishing their edges and doing all the fiddlybits. lately, even though i have a nice clean worktable and my quilt pieces all laid out by color, i have managed to iron a grand total of like… 6 of them. in three days. i like ironing quilt pieces. it’s satisfying to me. but it just… doesn’t seem to be happening.
people who’ve never experienced executive dysfunction seem to think our disability only applies to things that are hard or unfun, and therefore suspect we’re just making excuses not to do stuff we don’t want to do. but it’s not like that. i have trouble doing stuff i enjoy doing. i have trouble doing stuff i have to do to live, like eating. sometimes the stuff i get distracted into doing is less fun than the thing i was trying to do – plenty of times i go to get food and get distracted and fold laundry instead. because folding laundry is a routine, it’s an organizing task, which takes less executive function than making food, which requires making a lot of little decisions and judgement calls based on what’s in the fridge, what dishes are clean, etc.
if you had something wrong with your brain that forced you to fold laundry when you wanted a sandwich, wouldn’t you call that a real disability?
…..well this all sounds painfully, painfully familiar
Now testing: Replies
This very beta new feature allows people you follow to reply to your posts. So far, this feature only works from the Dashboard and only on your primary blog. Some big updates are on the way. 🙂
You can enable it by checking off Customize → Advanced → Enable replies.
To whoever’s passing this around: this post is from a few years back, when Tumblr first instituted replies. So, no, Tumblr didn’t fix what they broke, and this is just a sad reminder of what we’ve lost 😦
Aw, DAMN IT. I guess that explains why it’s not a choice on mine. ARGH, tumblr. ARGH. Thanks for letting me know, though!