because nothing starts ur day off right like darth vader crying heavily over ur naked body
Fun Story: My director kept telling me and my tenor sax buddy to play softer. No matter what we did, it wasn’t soft enough for him. So getting frustrated, I told my buddy “Dont play this time. Just fake it”
Our Band Director then informed us we sounded perfect.
To my readers: “p” means quiet, “pp” means really quiet. I’ve never seen “pppp” before haha.
On the contrast, “f” means loud, and “ffff” probably means so loud you go unconscious.
I had ffff in a piece once and my conductor told me to play as loudly as physically possible without falling off my chair…
Me and my trombone buddies had “ffff” and he sat next to me and played so hard that he fell out of his chair.
The lengths we go for music.
Okay yeah so I play the bass clarinet and the amount of air you have to move and the stiffness of the reed means it only has two settings and that is loud and louder, with an optional LOUDEST that includes a 50% probability of HORRIBLE CROAKING NOISE which is the bass equivalent of the ubiquitous clarinet shriek.
One day, when I was in concert band in high school, we got a new piece handed out for the first time, and there was a strange little commotion back in the tuba section — whispering, and pointing at something in the music, and swatting at each other’s hands all shhh don’t call attention to it. And although they did attract the attention of basically everyone else in the band, they managed to avoid being noticed by the band director, who gave us a few minutes to look over our parts and then said, “All right, let’s run through it up to section A.”
And here we are, cheerfully playing along, sounding reasonably competent — but everyone, when they have the attention to spare, is keeping an eye on the tuba players. They don’t come in for the first eight measures or so, and then when they do come in, what we see is:
[reeeeeeally deep breath]
[COLOSSAL FOGHORN NOISE]
The entire band stops dead, in the cacophonous kind of way that a band stops when it hasn’t actually been cued to stop. The band director doesn’t even say anything, just looks straight back at the tubas and makes a helpless sort of why gesture.
In unison, the tuba players defend themselves: “THERE WERE FOUR F’S.”
FFFF is not really a rational dynamic marking for any instrument, but for the love of all that is holy why would you put it in a tuba part.
This is the best band post
Everyone else go home
Oh man, so I play trombone, and we got this piece called Florentiner Marsch by Julius Fucik, and we saw this
which is 8 fortes. We were shocked until,
that is 24 fortes who the fuck does that
Who does that?
This guy. Take a good look – that is the moustache of a man with nothing to lose.
More like Julius Fuckit
Pyrozod’s tags for this were too hilarious not to share
I haven’t been in band for years but this made me laugh so hard
I haven’t seen this post in ages and I’m dying of laughter
I didn’t think it could get better after The Foghorn Tuba Story, but it did. It got better. Bless you, MusicTumblr.
I write bullet-point meta now? Bullet-point meta is cool.
- If you think Eponine was a terrible person I will fucking fight you
- If you think Eponine was a pure virtuous saint I will fucking fight you
- If you think the most tragic thing about Eponine was that Marius didn’t love her back, look, I’m sorry, you are just plain wrong
- Eponine’s parents are awful people trying to raise her into an awful person and her entire adolescence has been a morally-degrading hell and SHE IS TRYING TO ESCAPE
- She doesn’t even make any claim to being a good person, she just wants OUT of the criminal underworld and begging and fraud and extortion and prostitution and robbery and assault
- She p. much considers herself a devil who’s trying to defect to the side of angels
- Marius is what sets all this off
- She puts him up on a pedestal of Virtuous Poverty b/c holy shit, an alternative to being Le Mauvais Pauvre
- No seriously Marius is what makes her realize how fucked-up her life is and how fucked-up she is as a result of her upbringing, and that she doesn’t have to just mutely accept it
- There is a hefty dose of sexual shame in why she considers herself Irrevocably Fucked-Up, she’s a 19th-century girl in a 19th-century world, but it’s so not the only thing going on there, and the ways Eponine is being sexually exploited and how they affect her fucked-upness is a subject that deserves a long-ass meta post all to itself
- And yeah, she hatches a wild plan to lure Marius to the barricades so they can die together
- This is not a relapse into her family’s Wicked Ways or a random act of capricious madness, it is a full-on goddamn Javert Derailed breakdown
- bc when you pin EVERYTHING on someone, not just your heart but your hope and your backbone and your moral compass, then yeah you can totally suffer in noble silence while watching him be in love with someone else, but the prospect of him DISAPPEARING AND BEING GONE FOREVER?
- does not compute
- critical error
- initiate self-destruct sequence and lock down Marius unit in closest possible proximity
- Yes this is pointless and selfish, in the general sense that Eponine is fucking drowning and clinging to Marius’ ankle to stay afloat and tries to pull him down with her rather than let him get out of the water
- And holy shit she manages to transcend that moment of total breakdown panic and fix the damage she’s done and let Marius go? A teenager with no guidance and a shitty amoral abusive upbringing and basically nothing except a dogged determination not to be the person her parents made her?
- Come back and tell me to my face that Eponine was a terrible person, ya little punk
- She is ambiguous and conflicted and trying so, so hard to do the right thing
The first of the two best Éponine analyses I’ve ever read. (Pilferingapples’s recent one is the second.)