Since joining Tumblr, I’ve met a lot of young queer people. Look, I’m a bisexual man in a gay relationship, and I’m approaching 30. I was still a kid when Matthew Shepard’s story was being covered on the news. I remember thinking, “I better keep my mouth shut about these feelings I’m having.”
And then I met Dominic when I was 12, and people could see how in love we were. And we got the shit beat out of us. The year I met him, some kids in the grade above me held me down against the bleachers in our gym and stomped on my hand until my fingers broke. Instead of sending me to the nurse, the teacher sent me to the assistant principal to explain the situation. She asked why the kids had beat me up. I said, “They were calling me gay.”
Her response was, “Well, are you?”
My, “I don’t know,” earned a call to my parents, and I was outed. Efforts were made to keep me from seeing Dom. Throughout high school, Dom’s stepmother intensified these efforts. He slept in the basement of the house. Although he was an incredibly talented student, he was prohibited from participating in any extracurriculars. He suffered a lot of physical abuse during those years.
The day he turned 18, he packed up everything he had and walked to my house, and we’ve lived together ever since. Things are better, but they’re not perfect. I’ve had trucks pull up next to me at stoplights and, seeing the pride sticker on my car, through old drinks and garbage into my window. I no longer speak to my dad’s side of the family. I haven’t been to see them for Christmas or Thanksgiving in years. One of my uncles had cornered me at Thanksgiving when I was 17 and said, “I’m not going to judge you, but I’d be happy to break your neck so God can do the judging a little sooner.”
I joined a support group for trans and intersex people. When I joined, 40 people attended regularly. Within the year, the group was half the size it had been. Some couldn’t make it anymore, because they were staying at the shelter, where their stay hinged on them agreeing to instead to attend homophobic sermons. Some were put in correctional therapy. Five of them died. Three of those, I didn’t know, but I knew Alex, the 19 year old who was fag-dragged in Kentucky and died a day later in the hospital, and I knew Stephanie, who went home to Alabama to care for her mom in hospice and was beaten to death with a baseball bat by her mom’s boyfriend.
Tumblr is not reality. The dynamic here does not reflect the dynamic out there. Here’s the part where I finally make a point, and it might be extremely unpopular – but guys, value your allies.Value each other. We are met with enough hate in our daily lives to enter an online safe-space and meet more hate from our own, over petty things. Don’t go after one another over every little thing you find problematic.
Learn to see nuance. Maybe the word “queer” bothers you, and you see a gay man using it as an umbrella term. Maybe someone called a trans man a trans woman because they’re confused about terminology, but the post where they did it was voicing support for the trans community. Maybe someone is just asking a question, wanting to learn more. Stop. Attacking. These. People.
Allies are being driven away. Members of our own community are being ostracized. Others are feeling nervous and estranged, and it’s largely because of places like Tumblr, where the social justice movement is quickly becoming violent and radical. I am begging you, stop nitpicking “problematic” things and start directing your efforts to create real change. When it comes to comes to your allies, forget the “social justice warrior” mentality and put down your torch. Educate calmly. Be respectful. Be understanding. Be forgiving. And I’m certainly not saying that your anger doesn’t have a good place – when you are met with bigots on the street, congress members who want to pass hateful laws, violent protesters, abusive parents, prejudiced teachers, that is when you need to be a warrior. That’s when it counts. In the real world. When you have the opportunity to protect people from real harm. Attacking your would-be allies via anonymous asks is just going to lose us ground in the long run. And we don’t have time for that, not when trans women of color are being murdered every day, not when states are still fighting against marriage equality, not when there are politicians in office who believe that trans people are possessed by demons, not when we’ve just lost 50 brothers and sisters to one gunman, not when the media won’t even admit that the attack was homophobic.
Please step back. Look at the big picture. Look at where we are, globally. Don’t just log on to your safe space and attack your allies over small missteps. That’s like washing the dishes in a house that’s on fire, kids. Let’s fight on the battlefield, and when we come home to each other, let’s just focus on bandaging up our wounds so we can go out and win the war.
Signal boost to this unbelievably important message.
Thank you for this.
Allies are being driven away. Members of our own community are being ostracized. Others are feeling nervous and estranged, and it’s largely because of places like Tumblr, where the social justice movement is quickly becoming violent and radical. I am begging you, stop nitpicking “problematic” things and start directing your efforts to create real change. When it comes to comes to your allies, forget the “social justice warrior” mentality and put down your torch. Educate calmly. Be respectful. Be understanding. Be forgiving.
She is a beast and I adore her. Also, what she’s saying and the WAY she says it throughout this interview is so important to listen to. The arguments on the Democratic side are about how best to make progress, the most assured way forward. The goals are the same and the distinction between methods is a matter of degrees.
And, of course, the key point that each Democratic candidate, even on their worst day, is 10000% better than the alternative.
1. The belief that Jews are white. This comes with two corollaries: 1. Anti-semitism against White Jews doesn’t matter because they’re white. 2. Racism against Jews of Color matters, but anti-semitism doesn’t.
Case in point, this article in the Daily Dot which totally ignores the fact that Magneto was a Holocaust survivor.
Regardless of their varying cinematic quality, the X-Men movies have always been good at building this political allegory without becoming overly preachy. However, they’ve also been downright abysmal at acknowledging people who face this type of discrimination in real life. The only exception is Charles Xavier, who as a character with a physical disability is near-unique as a blockbuster movie protagonist.
If the Holocaust isn’t discrimination in real life, I don’t know what is. But Magneto’s “whiteness” somehow cancels that out.
3. Confirmation Bias. There are Israel critics who try to take in all the valid information and make fair statements, but they are nowhere near common enough. There are others who have decided that any Jewish voice that disagrees with them on anything must be an evil Zionist Hasbranik working for the Mossad to destroy their precious bodily fluids. Any article or information about Jews suffering is distrusted because it might lend any credence at all to the notion that Israel exists to combat anti-semitism. Accepting the narrative that anti-semitism still exists means that they can no longer be 100% certain that Zionism is wrong in all instances, which means that they need to fight to keep that precious certainty. Most people don’t seem to want to put in the effort to listen to voices they’re trying to tune out in order to keep their sense of moral clarity. This is a pretty good article on confirmation bias and why it’s a problem. The way that internet communication works makes it easier for people to only hear the information they want to hear, while filtering out the information they don’t. Since there is some overlap between anti-anti-semitism and pro-Israel activism, many people tune out all anti-anti-semitism activism for fear of having their beliefs challenged, even though one can fight anti-semitism and still be anti-Israel. This fear is often so strong that anti-Israel activists are often willing to listen to NAZIS and KKK leaders before they will listen to Jews. THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A SECOND.
4. Anti-Semitic Beliefs. Conscious or unconscious there are tons of anti-semitic ideas visible in the social justice movement. Many of them revolve around the ideas that Jews are all Rich and Jews control the Media. Those are stereotypes that aren’t true, but I’ve seen some people actually working backwards to make the case that, for example, Rupert Murdoch must be Jewish because he’s rich and is a major player in the media even though he is most definitely not Jewish. There is also a disproportionate focus on Jews who are rich and powerful and abusive like Sheldon Adelson while the Jewishness of anti-establishment figures like Naomi Klein is downplayed and ignored because she doesn’t play to stereotype. It’s also easier to tune out anti-semitism if you believe that Ashkenazim “aren’t real Jews” but Khazars which, even if that were true (which it most assuredly isn’t) wouldn’t rule out the fact that we were still murdered in the millions during the Holocaust for being Jews. But call anyone out on this and you’ll get a “anti-zionist not anti-semitic.” Again, they don’t want to risk having their confirmation bias exposed.
5. A Poor Understanding of Jewish Peoplehood as it Relates to Diaspora and Race. Tumblr social justice tends to be built on Critical Race Theory and Post-Colonial Theory. But in practice, one gets the feeling that most users really only engage in these concepts to the point where they understand two categories within each context: White/PoC and Colonizer/Indigenous. Jews, being a diasporic people for centuries, don’t neatly fit into either category. Most of us have lived in countries where we were not considered “indigenous” due to exile. As a result, over the millenia we have blended with many of the local populations resulting in genetically and culturally related groups that wouldn’t be considered the same “race” today. Critical Race Theory largely describes Racial politics within the United States. Post-Colonial Theory doesn’t do a very good job of dealing with diasporic populations whose indigineity has been rendered unspeakably complex due to residing as a frequently unwanted minority in other countries for centuries. What happens then is that Jews are frequently refugees, kicked out of various countries because the majority populations decided they didn’t want us. So where then do we have indigenous rights when the majority of us have been a refugee people for centuries? The denial of a safe home for Jews is an issue that many on the tumblr left simply don’t want to acknowledge or reckon with. So they act like Jews fleeing Nazism in the 1930s are no different than European colonialists who were looking for people and resources to exploit. They ignore the various persecutions against Jews in the Soviet Union because Communism is a popular meme. They ignore the expulsions of the Jews in the Middle East and North Africa because they have a hard time calling non-White Mizrahi and Sephardi Jews “European Colonialists.” They frequently confuse Ethiopian Jewish Israeli Citizens with Eritrean Refugees because they don’t understand the fundamental and important differences between the two groups and they don’t want to put in the effort to learn about either so long as they can condemn Israel for something.
6. Fighting Anti-Semitism Isn’t Seen as “Cool”. Fighting anti-semitism isn’t going to get your posts thousands upon thousands of notes. You’re more likely to get those results posting Hitler’s home movies. People who are motivated by tumblr fame don’t see a lot of popular posts about anti-semitism and therefore don’t think it’s worth the effort to get involved. Notice that popular posts about anti-semitism tend to be piling on celebrities they hate for other reasons or stuff that is bashing Nazis because everyone hates Nazis because, among other things, they’re White Supremacists. But dealing with contemporary anti-semitism? Especially as it manifests itself so frequently in contemporary social justice circles? It’s more likely to lose you followers than win you any. And as much as people on tumblr like to pretend that they’re trendsetters and iconoclasts, they’ve merely selected a different avenue for their groupthink. True iconoclasts will fight for something when it’s unpopular. And if you read a bit of a dare in there, it was quite intentional.
“Hello. My name is Luke Skywalker. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
“Never go up against a Mandalorian when death is on the line!” *immediately falls into Sarlacc pit*
“Bye, boys! Have fun storming the Death Star!”
“Wampas Of Unusual Size? I don’t think they exist.”
“Do you want me to send you back to where you were? Unemployed, on Hoth?”
“It just so happens that Obi-Wan here is only mostly dead.”
“Give us the access code.” “What access code?” “Chewie, tear his arms off.” “Ohhh you mean this access code!”
“I could give you my word as a Corellian…” “No good. I’ve known too many Corellians”
“Why can’t I see?” “You’ve been mostly-frozen all day.”
That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying “I know”, what he meant was, “I love you.”
“Why do you wear that black mask? Were you burned on Mustafar, or something like that?” “Oh no, it’s just that they’re terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future.”
“Luke doesn’t get eaten by the rancor at this time. ”What?” “The rancor doesn’t get him. I’m explaining to you because you look nervous.”
“The Fowce is what bwings us togevver today. It suwwounds us, and penetwates us. It binds the gawaxy togevver.”
Useful posts on how to write comments for fanfics – [here] & [here]
On a personal note. I’ve
met wonderful people throughout fandoms and by leaving comments. I’ve made
great friends, some even on comment sections, as we shared our enthusiasm for
the same story.
People who like the same ships often hold similar character
traits and life experiences; they’re people who would get you. The bonds in fandoms only strengthen when people meet other
people as humans – and there are fantastic humans waiting to meet you.
Leave a comment. 🙂
((Methodology
For Data Collected
For this, I’ve used AO3, currently the most popular fanfiction
website.
I’ve taken the first ranked story in each ship, completed, rated
by kudos – since bookmarks on AO3 can be set to private so the counters don’t
reflect the real numbers – to reflect the stories that had the most positive
feedback in their category.
For the comments, I’ve (falsely and intentionally) assumed the
numbers represented are singular comments from singular, different users
(tipping the scales in favor of the commenters). For Destiel, Johnlock and
Spirk I had to pick the second story by kudos, since for the first the
deviation error (assuming the author haven’t replied and there aren’t
discussion threads included in the comments) was far too high for the ratio to
be accurate, and my initial assumption couldn’t be applied. My apologies to the
authors.
Enjolras is having none of your graffiti bullshit Marius
So I assume this says “Bonaparte is me,” but every time I see it I first read it as a pseudo-Latin “Bonapartissime”
The most Bonaparte. Much Bonaparte, very Napoleon.
(I think it says “bonapartisme” as in the political ideology of Bonaparte.) (so not only your misreading is funny, but so is your parsing an English sentence from a French word, double the fun with Napoléon.)
Ok no, you know what? I AM pissed right now. I had a very dear friend of mine literally break down crying in my arms when I told her that asexuality exists and that she might be asexual like me and that she was not broken or the only person on this planet who didn’t feel any sexual attraction to anybody. I used to have another friend who was told by her family that she was useless for her husband and that there was something wrong with her because she did not feel sexual attraction. She went through several relationships involving sexual actions that she did not want but went through anyway because she thought she had to. When she told me that she actually never felt sexually attracted to anyone she had basically already resigned to being a weirdo, being abnormal, being less than. I used to hate myself. I still struggle with that but I really used to hate myself because I couldn’t get myself to feel the same things that other people seemed to feel. When I realised asexuality was a thing and that that thing might be something that actually described me and my situation and how I felt, I was so relieved – mostly because I had thought I was alone and then suddenly there were all these people who felt the same thing, who had the same experiences. For the first time since puberty started basically I did not feel awkward and weird and somehow less than everyone around me. I felt like a whole person. I felt complete. So how DARE you say that asexuals are “basically straight”, “just identifying as ace to avoid straight privilege”?! How DARE you mock that moment of relief that so many people on the ace spectrum experience when they realise that they are not alone, that they are not the only ones feeling like this, that they do have a community and support and people they can talk to about their experiences?! Shame on you!
One of the things I love about Leverage is how all of the main male characters are giant middle fingers to toxic masculinity.
Like, Nate is shown to suffer through his grief, coping through alcohol, and he’s not portrayed as weak for his emotions.
You think Eliot would be the most obnoxiously masculine person in the show, being a former military black ops dude who busts heads for a living. But he isn’t! He’s passionate about cooking, he loves kids, even when he sleeps around he treats all of those women with an equal amount of respect; when Hardison is affectionate with him he often denies his small moments of reciprocity but instead of getting violent (”gay panic”) he simply goes “Dammit Hardison!” and is embarrassed because Hardison usually does it to embarrass him in front of a girl he’s flirting with, but he’s never ashamed or humiliated.
Speaking of Hardison.
Oh, Hardison.
My dearest, beloved marshmallow.
The most loving and affectionate member of the team is a black man. This guy hacked the bank of Iceland to pay his foster mom’s hospital bills. He plays the violin, he paints, and he just feels so much empathy for the people they help. He’s the first one to go in for a hug, the first one to admit his feelings, this funny and delightful man who is so fiercely protective and loving. He owns up to his weaknesses, admits when he needs someone, is so supportive of his team. The first one on the team to call them a family!
Sometimes I just randomly think about Leverage and want to cry because I have never seen another show that does characters the way Leverage does.
eirenical17 