THISS IS SO FUNNY TO ME
THISS IS SO FUNNY TO ME
Bad News: Our boss locked the keys inside the building.
Good News: We didn’t have to wait around for a locksmith.
Bad News: My boss finds it very concerning that I know how to pick locks, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory™. I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute girls.
Good News: A cute girl saw me do it.
Bad News: It was Maggie, and since she’s already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw a fawn that was just too damn small, and knows I can ride a unicycle, she’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. She knows.
where a grad student becomes a supervillain for extra credit since their doctoral committee is lowkey three of the city’s supervillains. and they meet the hero who is cute and charming and idealistic. and damn, extra credit is so not worth this. but damn, grad school is expensive and the job market is competitive
“there’s good in you”
“i really think all that’s in me at this point is ramen, red bull and spite”
I WOULD BUY THIS NOVEL
It starts with them walking home one day. ‘Ferre wants to do an experiment on how people see same gender relationships in their little village and so they agree that they’ll hold hands every time they’re together for a couple of days.
You know, totally just for science.
Cut to a week later and they’re holding hands constantly, sitting on each other’s laps, cuddling during movies and their friends are wondering how long this experiment was actually meant to last for.
The strange looks they got for the first week start gradually disappearing as people get used to them.
They don’t notice how much more time they’re spending together until Marius asks Courf one day how they’re coping with being like a couple for so long. That’s when he realises that he might be a little bit in love with ‘Ferre.
Then they’re watching a movie one day, huddled under a pile of blankets and Courf decides to ask whether the experiment’s going to last much longer.
“’Ferre?” *blink blink* “’Ferre?”
“Well… I don’t know…”
Confused adorable puppy ‘Ferre looks at small kinda-smiley Courf and Courf just says “Fuck it” and kisses ‘Ferre so hard they both go dizzy but when he finally pulls away ‘Ferre’s right back in there.
The ‘experiment’ ends up including marriage and kids too.
School. Made. Them. Do. This.
what could go wrong
important otp question: who’s the one that points and stares at cool things when they’re hanging out together and who’s the one that stares fondly at their significant other while they’re distracted
Person A is in bed reading a book. Person B enters and climbs into bed with them. Without looking up person A raises their arm so that person B can crawl under and snuggle up with them. Person B falls asleep.
Overhead while walking to the parking lot, on campus: an actual real-life college-student + sugar daddy AU in the making:
Male College Student: so I think my roommate’s older brother is, like, hitting on me.
Female College Student: really??
Male Student: yeah, well…like, he’s like helping us out with rent and stuff? And he, like, wants to hang out a lot…like, even with just me, like, Roommate isn’t even there…and then he bought Roommate’s books for next semester, except he asked if I wanted to come to the bookstore, and then he bought my books. Like, I didn’t let him buy all of them ‘cause I felt weird. But then he bought me dinner. So, like…
Female Student: (half-joking) is he hot?
Male Student: uhhh…I guess? Yeah. Maybe. I mean, I dunno.
Female Student: wait, though, is this like a creepy thing? Is he creepy?
Male Student: no! No, dude, he’s not like–like he’s actually a pretty cool guy, like he’s paying for Roommate to go to college and helping us out, and he’s all smart, like he’s a lawyer and shit, and he’s, like, chill, y’know, and–
Female Student: oh my god you like, LIKE him.
Male Student: (loudly enough that heads turn) I’M NOT GAY.
Female Student: you totally like him!
Male Student: BUT I’M NOT GAY.
Female Student: you’re, like, gay FOR HIM.
Male Student: (stops walking) BUT–FUCK.
Female Student: you could, like, be dating a lawyer!
…at which point, because they’d stopped walking, I had to maneuver around them and pretend I’d not been eavesdropping, and find my car.
We may never know the outcome, but I like to think that Sudden Epiphany College Student and Roommate’s Hot Lawyer Older Brother are now happily dating. (I also wonder what Roommate thinks of this–as a friend I imagine he is pleased–and whether he was secretly hoping for this outcome.)
Anyway, though: imagine your OTP. 😀
Just to provide slightly more context, now that I’m home and not posting from my phone:
1 – I teach at a college in Southern California, in Orange County. Yes, the O.C. Which perhaps helps set the scene, and;
2 – neither of them had been in my class, I just happened to be walking behind them at the right time;
3 – Female Student was tiny, adorable, delighted, and, best guess, about thirty seconds from pulling out a phone and calling Roommate’s Hot Lawyer Brother just to make sure these two idiots got their act together;
4 – Male Student’s concluding “FUCK” contained such profound layers of emotion–dismay, dawning realization, personal thunderstruck revelation, hope–that no words can do it justice here.
Now which pairing do I apply this to first…
the idea of two aromantic platonic partners having a “convenience marriage” is like my favorite thing right now I’m both getting really excited and cracking up over the possibilities I mean just imagine:
- “we got married because of tax benefits”
- “we got married because it gave us an excuse to have sleepovers every night”
- “we got married because it seemed convenient to ‘pool our assets’ (aka our library is now twice as big, as is our collection of Disney movies)”
- “we got married because it gave us an excuse to ask for toasters from people as wedding gifts”
#we got married because weddings are really exciting and we can plan it how we want it and it doesn’t need to include kissing bc that can be weird#but it gives us an excuse to have a dessert table#because dESSERT TABLE#I just want dessert table festivities#festivities around a dessert table#ahh#desssseeeeerrrrrt#CHEESECAKES THOOOOOOOO#YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
this is the most important addition anyone has made to this post bless you and may the Force be with you my friend
#aromantic couple that learns about the practice of getting married again to ‘reaffirm your commitment’#and proceeds to get married every year#and every year the dessert table is bigger and more extravagent#and they start experimenting with variations on the ceremony (x)
#we got married because we only needed to buy one copy of each book #we got married because then no one goes to the movies alone #we got married because then we got to design WEDDING CLOTHES #we got married because pillow fights #we got married because this makes emergency contact info much easier #we got married because weirding out conservatives (x)
We got married because broadway duets while doing chores, we got married because HALF AS MANY CHORES, we got married because surprise cookies on bad days, we got married because surprise cookies on GOOD days, we got married so we’d never have to ask the other if we could come over today again, we got married so our parents would stop asking (x)
#we got married because someone will get meds when we’re sick #we got married because secondary income #we got married because joint big finish account #we got married because two people can walk more dogs than one person which means more dogs #we got married because broadway duets while doing anything #we got married because only one of us likes cooking and the other is fine with dishes #we got married because both of us like cooking and we can trade off #we got married because help with disabilities and someone who doesn’t judge #we got married because of the satisfaction of hearing ‘have you found someone yet’ and getting to say ‘yes’ and hang up #we got married because anniversary parties are even more fun than weddings #MORE DESSERT TABLES #we got married because couples discounts on things (x)
#we got married because two people can walk more dogs than one person which means more dogs PERFECT
Hang mistletoe but instead of kissing you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it