2nd of the 11 journals from that large order.  I’m pretty pleased with how this one came out, especially with how quickly it came together.  Maybe 2 hours total not counting printing the paper?

~5 1/2″ wide x 8 1/2″ long x 1/2″ thick; quarter cloth case binding; heavy-weight bookboard; 128 pages, lined; 64 lb. (95 g/sq.m.) charcoal paper; inner cover pages of  65# cardstock; cover of hand made
100% cotton bookcloth and ribbon in a quarter cloth style with ribbon bookmark and appliqued logo printed on 100% cotton; hand-sewn; bound by hand

This one’s not for sale as it was a custom order, but there are a couple in my Etsy shop all set and ready to go for anyone who’s interested.  ^_~  (Also, a reminder that any journal covered in bookcloth can be customized with an appliqued logo.)

destielissoqueerlike:

destielissoqueerlike:

destielissoqueerlike:

Okay so I found my dead grandfather’s journal from 56 years ago. This is some old stuff, okay, and I was like yeah I’m gonna read a page or two. 

Basically he wrote down this road trip he did with a friend of his (name is Giulio) but at some point it gets so weird.

I’ll try my best to translate it from italian to english (english is not my first language) and well, I’m also having a hard time trying to read my gandpa’s writing cause he wrote like a drunk snail.

Now, beware, my grandfather was an italian man dedicated to work, church, work and work, who believed in the traditional family and all that Jazz. But at some point I reach this part where he writes: “yesterday me and Giulio slept in the same tent as mine was stolen at the gas station. As it was really cold, we slept close. In the middle of the night I realized that the warmth next to me did not belong to my Nadia (his fiancé at the time, my grandmother). It was the most intense feeling I’ve ever felt”.

And I was like allright that’s some weird no homo bullshit but who cares.

BUT THEN IT JUST GETS WORSE.

“I was having a cigarette whilst Giulio was asleep in the car, having a nap before we hit the road again. In the midst of the smoke of my tobacco, I saw his face and thought that the woman who is going to marry him will be lucky”.

Grandpa, what the hell? 

BUT OH NO IT JUST GETS BETTER.

“We shared a bed. Old motel did not have spare rooms, it was awkward at first. Then I started thinking that the warmth of Giulio’s body is somehow becoming more familiar to me then Nadia’s.”

Now, I have like seventy more pages of this goddamn journal but I am pretty fucking sure my gandfather had the worst crush over his best friend.

Due to popular demand I have translated some highlights cause damn it gets gayer and gayer.

So at one point my grandpa kind of stopped talking about Giulio and I was like (there we go, denial. Been there done that).

Then out of fucking nowhere, date 23 of may 1960, my grandpa writes:

“We finally reached Palermo. It is a beautiful city, full of art and good food, tomorrow we will visit some of the churches. I am now writing in our hotel room, a cheap place that still looks lovely in it’s way. Giulio is taking a shower. The noise of the water is keeping me awake, although I suspect that’s not the only reason I can’t shut my brain down”.

First of all, my grandpa wrote like a fucking professional writer. Second of all… grandpa, you can’t sleep cause your best friend is naked in the shower?

Anyway, they visit Palermo, everything is nice, they hit the road again and tHEN THIS HAPPENS.

“We stopped in a little bar. We ate something, chatted with the bartender and asked him directions for our next stop. We then had a few beers to celebrate our good times. A young girl then sat on the stool next to mine: she told me her name, Enrica, and she was pretty and lovely in her dress. Yet I did not make conversation with her and dismissed her after she made her intentions somewhat obvious. The main reason is, of course,  my devotion and love for my Nadia. The second reason is that Giulio was watching me.”

AND HE JUST SWITHES TOPICS TALKING ABOUT THIS MOTEL THEY FOUND AND FOR FUCK’S SAKE GRANDPA YOU CAN’T JUST STOP THERE CAUSE THIS IS SOUNDING LIKE A GREAT FUCKING FANFICTION. 

My granfather was totally pining after Giulio.

Now, there are like fifteen pages where he doesn’t really say anything about Giulio, he talks about cities they want to visit and that their car broke down in the middle of the street and got some help from, and I quote, “a handsome young man, probably not older than 16″. Like, really grandpa? 

This is the last thing I read.

“I believe Giulio will have my back no matter what happens. He made that much clear.

-What happens after this trip? -he asked me at the reastaurant where we had dinner.

-We go back to our lives, I have my workshop to look after.

-And Nadia. You are going to marry her, I hope.

-Of course. -I answered, as my love for Nadia is strong -Will you be at the wedding?

-If you want me to.

-Of course I do.

-Then I’ll be there. By your side, as usual. That much wont ever change

I am now realising that I’ve never felt such intense feelings for anyone before, because my love for Nadia is strong but yet this is a different emotion. He is my brother, my friend and a half of my heart. That will never end. It almost seems like I am enamoured.”

And he then starts talking about the food of the reastaurant.

MY GRANDPA TOTALLY WENT INTO BRO MODE. I AM DYING INSIDE CAUSE WTF AM I DISCOVERING?!  THIS IS SOME PARABATAI BULLSHIT

I am so going to translate the whole thing and publish it changing the names. 

And the journal it’s not even over.

I am going to be serious for like ten seconds: I have finished reading the journal and I am now going to write the last bits I chose to share. Let me be clear, I DO NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO USE THIS AS A FANFICTION IDEA. I saw many many tags saying: fanfiction AU, ideas for fanfiction, remember for fanfiction and so on. Don’t. Do not think this is a good prompt cause this is memories. My grandfather wrote that stuff and the only reason I am sharing it is cause first, it’s absolutely lovely, two: it may help someone who has feeling for a friend and such and is confused about it, especially if their friend is of the same sex. But this stuff actually happened and I do not want anyone to think about it as a good idea for a fic.  I’m happy people are liking this and I am happy people are invested in my grandpa’s adventures, but have respect.

Now, in the journal there are also many thoughts he had about society, and work and culture that were really interesting, and so many poems for my Grandmother who were the most beautiful things I ever read. It was obvious he was in love with her deeply. I have decided to keep them private.

On the fourth of june they are in Venice and my grandfather writes:

“I have spent many beautiful days traveling Italy with Giulio, going back and forth the country, savoring every single thing this expereince gave us. We are now in Venezia, it is as beautiful as my Nadia told me. So much art, and incredibile food. The Canal Grande is wonderful at night. I walked with Giulio alongside the Canal for hours, not really speaking, as he told me about his favorite moments of the trip. I simply listened, enjoying the sound of his voice”

The page ends like that, he then starts writing two days later, talking about the presents he picked for Nadia and his family. My grampa then talks about Giulio one more time.

“It has occured to me of how lucky I am. I did not only travelled for this beautiful country, but I did so with my dearest friend. I am grateful to God for this opportunity, as Giulio is the kindest soul. We are kindred spirits, I know we will never be separated. Such feelings make me feel horribly guilty. In a way, it almost feels as if I am somehow betraying Nadia. But I would never do such a thing, I am sure of that. I love her. And yet, I feel dirty”.

He then completely stops talking about Giulio. The pages go on and on, talking about his trip, the last cities he visited, the places he saw. Then I reached the last page and I am still shaking.

“We are going back to Rome, the travelling is reaching it’s end.  Giulio is driving. I do not know what to do with myself and my heavy heart. The feelings I have haunted my dreams. And yet I can’t bring myself to feel sorry for them. They are intense and they are shaping my soul in a new form I never experienced before. There are moments when I catch myself staring at his profile, with the low sun behind him. Those are the moments I shall treasure the most. This journey will be in my heart forever, in my memories and on this pages. I feel like I am a different man, I hope a better one perhaps. I am going to see my Nadia again, then marry her, and I know we will be happy. Because I love her with every fiber of my being. And in the same way I will always think of him. 

June, 31, 1960″

My grandfather was a kind, tender man. He loved deeply my beautiful grandmother, they lived together happily for almost 50 years. My grandfather was a man who loved with all his heart and the fact that I had the chance to find out about this side of him makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. 

I don’t know what happened to Giulio, I never met him nor heard his name, so the whole thing remains misterious. 

But I will say this much:

My grandfather’s name was Sergio Milani, he died three years ago because of the Parkinson illness. He was a loving, kind man, who loved his family and loved his wife.When he died, he was cremated, as he requested. I have decided to burn this journal and to throw the ashes in the sea where we once threw my grandfather’s.  This journal belongs to him, and I will give it back.

Thank you all for the kind words (I received many lovely messages). 

irenicalarts:

Hand-bound case bound journal, currently available in my Etsy Shop, Irenical Arts.

Listing can be found here.

This journal is ~6.25 x 4.5 inches, made with high quality (64 lb. / 104
g/sq.m.), unlined, drawing paper (128 sheets) and light-weight
bookboard for the covers.  It is covered completely in handmade 100%
cotton bookcloth in in a quarter cloth style with a kimono print cloth
and a tan and brown polka dot with a red ribbon embellishment and
bookmark.  These rich colors are sure to inspire creativity!

This journal is hand-bound in a case binding technique with thread and PVA glue.  

Whether
you choose to use it as a journal, a sketchbook, a scrapbook, or you
come up with another use entirely, I hope this journal will be an
inspiration to you and a suitable place to keep your deepest thoughts,
fondest memories, and creative endeavors!

6 1/4″ long x 4 1/2″
wide x 1/2″ thick; quarter cloth case binding; light-weight bookboard;
128 sheets; 64 lb. (104 g/sq.m.) charcoal paper; inner covers of canvas
texture 65# cardstock; cover of hand made 100% cotton bookcloth and fine
paper with ribbon bookmark; hand-sewn; bound by hand

Also still available: Black Red White Splatter Print Case Bound Journal, Gold Red Brown with Butterflies Case Bound Journal, Pink Blue Gold Black coptic stitch journal, Blue Gold Green Purple coptic stitch journal

I have a few new bookbinding tools and things to make my life easier and WOW did this one come out better and easier than the last one I made!  Since I was having a terrible time finding 8 ½ x 11 paper that was the right thickness and would still get through the printer so I could make lined paper, I decided to approach the problem from the other side and get a paper cutter so I could just cut down the 9 x 12 paper that I love and use that instead.  It worked MUCH better!  ^_^  So, this one will probably go up for sale in my Etsy shop, but I’ll probably wait until I have some natural light tomorrow to get some better pictures.

~5 3/4″ wide x 8 3/4″ long x 1/2″ thick; quarter cloth case binding; heavy-weight bookboard; 120
sheets; 64 lb. (95 g/sq.m.) charcoal paper; inner covers of canvas texture 65# cardstock; cover of hand made
100% cotton bookcloth and fine paper with ribbon bookmark; hand-sewn; bound by hand

New tools:

  • standard sized metal square rods to measure out the gutters on either side of the spine – SO USEFUL
  • paper trimmer
  • parchment paper – works much better as backing for gluing with the super because it doesn’t stick to it.  YAY! ^_^
  • Not new, but unearthed
    • iron
    • tabletop ironing board

Thanks to those last two finds, I was able to make new bookcloth without having to schlep down to the basement to use my Uncle’s iron and the big ironing board which was SO HELPFUL because the lighting down there is CRAP.  This was MUCH easier. Also, man I love my little craft cart.  It’s so much nicer having everything in one place!