bobcatmoran:

fizzygingr:

Modern AU Bossuet dealing with constant bureacratic hassles because the name on his birth certificate is different from the name on his driver’s license which is different from the name on his credit card which is different from the name on the lease on his apartment. He’s been summoned for jury duty six times because somehow the courthouse has him listed as eight different people.

The clerk looked at the apologetic young man in front of her, and then looked down at the two envelopes he was brandishing. “So, you say you got two jury summonses? For two different people? Except both people are you.”

“That’s right. See, this one’s to last name L’aigle, ‘L-apostrophe-A-I-G-L-E-,’ and this one’s to last name Lesgle, ‘L-E-S-G-L-E.’ I go by both. Or, rather, officialdom has decreed that I go by both, as I sometimes show up as one and sometimes as the other on various records.”

“Okay, I’ll see what I can do. Can I see some ID please?”

“Certainly.” He pulled out his driver’s license. 

The clerk looked at it, then back to the envelopes. “This says ‘Legle.’ No ’S.’”

“Officialdom has decreed that I go by three names. It is a very indecisive beast. No offense intended towards your employers, of course,” he quickly added. 

The clerk sighed.

“In my defense, they’re all pronounced more-or-less the same,” the young man, L’aigle, Lesgle, or Legle, whatever he was called, said cheerfully. “My friends call me Bossuet, if that helps.”

“It doesn’t.”

When I was born, I got my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck, both arms, and one of my ankles. Mom said there came a point when the doctor stopped delivering me and just started laughing. I mean, if I ever let being bad at something stop me, I wouldn’t be here. That thing some men call ‘failure,’ I call ‘living.’ ‘Breakfast.’ And I’m not leaving until I’ve cleaned out the buffet.

Bossuet, Book XXII (via

pilferingapples

)