Someone please tell my id that it doesn’t need me to write a thousand-page parody of Victor Hugo’s Star Wars, no matter how “awesome” or “fun” it may sound at first

oh my god please, please do

La Guerre des étoiles


Book the First: A Solitary Man

I. Ben Kenobi

In Year 20 of the Empire (Year 10,191 since the forming of the Coruscant Convention), Ben Kenobi was a hermit living beyond the Dune Sea. He was an old man of about fifty-nine years of age; he had occupied his tiny desert hovel since Year 0.

Although it has little direct impact on the story we are about to relate, it nevertheless behooves the author to reveal, if only for the sake of completeness and exactness, the various rumors that circulated the person of “Old Ben” Kenobi. True or false, that which is said of men often occupies as important a place in their lives, and above all in their destinies, as that which they do. Very little was known about Ben Kenobi, in honest truth; it was widely known that he was an offworlder, and a recent newcomer to the barrel soil of Tatooine; it was less-widely known, though no secret, for Kenobi himself would say as much to those who asked, that he was from the planet Stewjon, in the Daly System. How he had come to reside on Tatooine was the source of much speculation.

Once one entered the realm of rumor, however, the accounts varied widely: he was a wizard, some said, or a crazy old man parched by the lack of company. He was alternately a scholar, a monk, a widower, or a scarred veteran of the Clone Wars, come to find what peace was left to him; the fruit-seller at the edge of Mos Eisley, where he came once a month to replenish his stores, claimed he was the last Jedi Knight, fled to the Outer Rim to hide from the depredations of the Empire. In spite of this wide-ranging gossip, or perhaps because of it, Ben Kenobi cut a dashing, mysterious figure to the starved minds of the out-flung desert settlements in which his name was known. He was well-formed, and although shorter than human standard, was still taller than many of the specimens to be found in Tatooine’s slums. He was well-spoken, conscientious, graceful, and learned; he spoke of distant worlds with the familiarity of a spacer and the precision of a Hutt.

as soon as i saw “Although it has little direct impact on the story we are about to relate” i knew this was a solid parody

more of this sort of thing



A bit more on the Padme and Leia:

So I’m dressed as ending-fight-dead-inside Kylo, and a Leia walks by me. I mumble “sorry mom” and she turns. I realize she’s with a Padme, who turns with her in perfect sync.

“Damn right you are” the Leia yells. “Of all your grandparents, why not be like Padme?”

“I was a queen at 14,” the Padme boasts.

“A queen at 14 Ben! What have you done?”

At this point I have sunk to the floor. Padme puts her hands on her knees, bends down and keeps yelling. “You know what your grandfather thinks is a good pickup line? Complaining about sand. Is that all you got Kylo? Pickup lines about sand?”

Another Leia grounded me for 20 years

And when I said “Sorry Dad" to a Han he really nonchalantly said “It’s alright, sorry I wasn’t there for you”




Star Wars cast on working with R2-D2


can we talk about how they’re all trolling themselves.

sam was born in DC in the 40′s as a minority in a white town, ewan used to be an alcoholic, hayden’s poking fun at his reputation as a bad actor & nat is remarking on her ‘pretty face.’