I started thinking absently about Steve Rogers’ jogging route during my run today and then i couldn’t STOP thinking about it because there’s literally NO WAY it makes sense unless you accept that he is specifically fucking up his entire morning routine to get another look at the cute boy he clocked on his run. I got home and started to make a post about it but it was like
so you’re just going to have to trust me
Enough people asked me to Get Into This that, you know what, fine. Let’s get into it. Under the cut please enjoy my doctoral dissertation, There Is No Carol In HR, or Captain America Is a Big Ol’ Creep and I Can Prove It with Maps.
READ THE WHOLE THING IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL I’M CRYING
I’ve always had some serious, massive thoughts and feels about this scene where Obi-Wan watches the hologram of Anakin slaughtering the Jedi, kneeling at Palpatine’s feet, and everything else that followed.
To begin with, I don’t think Obi-Wan had any idea of what he was about to see. Yoda said he would only find pain if he watched, but Obi-Wan said he “had to know.” To me, he meant, “I have to know how my son/brother/BFF/lover/whatever died.” Because such was Obi-Wan’s faith in Anakin Skywalker that it never occurred to him that Anakin would commit such atrocities. In his mind, Anakin’s body is lying somewhere in the Temple, surrounded by over a dozen dead clones and the younglings he was seeking to protect. He needed to see Anakin’s fate so that it would be real for him, otherwise he’d always cling to some delusional hope that Anakin was somehow still alive.
Then he sees the truth, watches Anakin slaughter their brethren, but what next catches my attention is the moment he watches Anakin kneel before Palpatine. My headcanon is that Anakin has always had some serious issues about kneeling before anyone, going back to his life on Tatooine. Watto may not have been the type to have Anakin or Shmi kneeling in subservience, but Anakin very likely witnessed other slaves being forced to do so before their owners, and it was something that sickened him. That feeling was likely something he carried over into his life as a Jedi, and he may have actually been able to communicate it to Obi-Wan on some level. Hence why Obi-Wan looks like he’s trying not to vomit as he stares at Anakin on his knees before Palpatine. He knows that Anakin despises that sort of posture and behavior – so what has happened to make Anakin go back on that? How did things change so much since he left for Utapau?
This is quite possibly the origin of Obi-Wan blaming himself for all that happened. Obi-Wan clung so tightly to his faith that everything was hunky-dorey that he didn’t see that something was clearly wrong with Anakin, that he needed help. He knew that there was the problem of asking Anakin to spy on Palpatine (see the novelization where he basically tells the Council off for being morons on the subject), but he had no idea of the other issues that were crushing Anakin under their collective heels (the nightmares of Padmé’s death, etc), in part because Anakin didn’t confide in him but also in part because Obi-Wan did not ask. Fanon likes to think that Obi-Wan figured out a long time ago about Anakin and Padmé (because subtle they are not), but he never came out and said anything about it. Perhaps he came to believe that if he had actually sat Anakin down and talked to him, gotten him to share his burdens, then he would have been able to help Anakin before he drowned. We know Anakin did go to Yoda for help about Padmé but got the singularly unhelpful advice of “someone dies – have a party, you should, for one with the Force they are!”, but one would think that Obi-Wan’s advice might have been a little more practical, say something like “Have Padmé get checked out by a few healers, ones who specialize in pregnancy and childbirth, to head off any potential problems.” And that’s just one example.
To continue: Obi-Wan watches his brother/BFF/lover/whatever systematically slaughter their people, and then is told by Yoda that he must destroy him to save the Republic (never mind the fact that the Republic was dead long before all of this went down, but that’s a rant for another time). Yoda maintains that Anakin is already dead, and all that remains is Darth Vader who is basically possessing Anakin’s corpse. In all honesty, I think Obi-Wan kind of went on autopilot at this point, which is why he sounded so wooden and vacant when he kept telling Padmé what a threat Anakin now was. He couldn’t bring himself to believe it, not then.
In all honesty, I don’t think Obi-Wan really believed that this was all happening until he saw Padmé be Force-choked on Mustafar. Because the real Anakin would have sooner gnawed off his remaining flesh arm than do anything to harm Padmé, and Obi-Wan knew that. That’s why he looked so utterly horrified when he stared down at Padmé’s crumpled form (besides the fact that, you know, she had just been choked and that could very well kill her and her baby). That’s when it finally hit home that this was Darth Fucking Vader and not Anakin Skywalker. And I’m pretty sure what was left of Obi-Wan’s heart just shattered.
Revenge of the Sith | Deleted Scene | Obi-Wan Visits Padmé
“I am not blind, Padmé. Though I have tried to be, for Anakin’s sake. And for yours. Anakin has loved you since the day you met, in that horrible junk shop on Tatooine. He’s never even tried to hide it, though we do not speak of it. We… pretend that I don’t know. And I was happy to, because it made him happy. You made him happy, when nothing else ever truly could.”
The deleted scene of all SW deleted scenes! The one that the PT fandom would give anything to see but probably never will due to Disney’s anti-Prequels policy: The moment Obi-Wan Kenobi officially admits that he is Anidala shipper and wordlessly confesses that he really does love Anakin Skywalker!
“You love him, too, don’t you?” When he didn’t answer she turned around. He stood motionless, frowning, in the middle of the expanse of the buff carpeting. “You do. You do love him.” He lowered his head. He looked very alone. “Please, do what you can to help him,” he said, and left.
It reveals so much about the relationship between the three, long-time friends, and sheds new light on the complexity of it, but most of all it reveals the extent of Obi-Wan’s love for Anakin when he openly admits to Padmé he has known about their forbidden relationship from the beginning and that not only has he tacitly allowed it but also silently supported it for all those years! (It’s something that got almost completely lost in ROTS, aside the tacit acknowledgement of Padmé’s pregnancy.) It explains so much about his behaviour at the end of AOTC when he sent Anakin to escort Padmé back to Naboo despite the fact that he knew better than anyone else about the possible consequences. It explains his behaviour in the hangar—it’s the moment when he chooses Anakin over the Jedi Order and decides to give him the only thing he knows that can make him happy, Padmé.
Considering he spent all his time with Anakin, Obi-Wan must have been blind not to notice him mysteriously disappearing and the sudden addition of R2 as their new teammate. Though, I’m sure the pragmatist he was Obi-Wan must have thought he still got the better end of the bargain since he didn’t need to listen to C3PO’s statistics on how low his odds of survival were. The saddest thing about it is that Anakin never realized that his friend knew nor how much he was loved by him or how fiercely protective and loyal he was. Just the mere fact that he, the stickler for rules, cared more about Anakin’s happiness and well-being than the Jedi and all their dogmas. What makes it even more special is that his visits follows the moment he told Anakin about his mission to spy on Palpatine, so him going to Padmé was the direct result of it, because Obi-Wan knew how much it hurt and disillusioned him, It shows that Obi-Wan understood Anakin and recognized how much different he was from all the other Jedi and he ACCEPTED HIM, EVERYTHING OF HIM, instead of trying to change him. It’s obvious he wanted to protect his singularity and happiness because he loved this complex, flawed man with all his flaws and weaknesses.
“I was very happy to learn of his appointment to the Council.” – Padmé
“Yes. It is perhaps less than he deserves—though I’m afraid that it can be more than he can handle.” – Obi-Wan
Futhermore, though it is short, this is such an important and private moment between Padmé and Obi-Wan – her husband’s best, and probably only, friend, the closest thing to a brother and a father he had, the man who loved her son and protected him him from the shadows even after he sacrificed himself to save him and his sister. Which was so fitting because in that way he repaid Anakin all those times he had saved his life. Also, it would be awesome to watch Padme’s reaction at hearing Obi-Wan speak about the depth of Anakin’s feelings for her, because here was the man who knew him the best and he was telling her how much and openly her husband loved her, because for all she knew, no one but a couple of droids, a priest and a handful of people loyal to her were aware of her love affair with the Jedi Knight and she no one to confide in about her private life.
Finally, the final part of the scene when Obi-Wan receives the message from Mace Windu about Grievous’s whereabouts reveals the sheer hopeless turmoil Padmé had been living through during her marriage with Anakin—that their time together was limited and that her husband could be called to war any moment and taken away from her.
Imagine Courfeyrac being a part time model for those stock photos
Qui-Gon: Who taught you to fight like that?
Obi-Wan: What do you mean?
Qui-Gon: Students in the Temple rarely attack so viciously. They learn to defend, to wear one another down. They conserve their strength. Yet you fought… like a very dangerous man. You left yourself open to attack time and again, and relied upon the other boy to take the defensive stance.
-Jedi Apprentice: The Rising Force
Enjolras cried: “Listen to me, you, Feuilly, valiant artisan, man of the people. I revere you. Yes, you clearly behold the future, yes, you are right. You had neither father nor mother, Feuilly; you adopted humanity for your mother and right for your father.“
Does anyone else just get like really stubbornly indifferent towards a popular character? Like you don’t feel hateful but you feel yourself giving less fucks and falling deeper into fuck deficit every time people gush about how great they are and its kinda like being at a party where everyone else is having a good time and you’re awkwardly standing in the corner with the underappreciated dog.