@storytellerluna replied to your post: @takethewatch replied to your post:…aaaand they…

he hasn’t lost America yet! yeah he lost NY, but there are still SEVERAL states left to go!! (and superdelegates are known to switch sides at the last minute)

THIS IS A GOOD POINT.  And I thank you for reminding me.  ^_^  I’ll keep holding out hope that I’ll get to vote for him again.

So, as bad as yesterday was, today was about 1000 times worse.  I feel like I could really use a good cry, but I’m afraid once I start, I won’t be able to stop.

At this point there’s nothing left to jinx, because the worst has pretty much already been said.

The biopsy isn’t back yet, but my dog has cancer.

It’s bad.

So.

There it is.

I’m going to go cling to my cat for a while, now.

Well, I graded 10 tests.  And now I’d like to wash my brain out with soap.  UGH.  I’m pretty sure I just lost a few brain cells to that endeavor.  *headdesk*

I have like… 30 minutes before I have to leave now.  I could maybe do one of the meme prompts?  Maybe I’ll see if I can prod my brain enough back into working order to do that.

It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

But I spent the morning cleaning off my desk (…don’t ask me how my bed looks rn, though O_o;;;), and I am SITTING HERE WITH MY COMPUTER READY TO DO WORK.  And you know what that means…

To-Do List:

  • Adulting Stuff
    • Email AVMA guy
    • Find places to put all the crap that migrated from the desk to your bed.  -.-;;;
  • Work Stuff
    • Grade prereq exams
    • Grade prof exams
      • *sobs softly*  (…don’t ask)
    • Email responses
    • Organizational stuff in MML
  • School stuff
    • Email qual professor
    • Do stat homework
      • Read chapter for tomorrow
    • Look for qual articles
      • Write article review
    • Start research proposal

…I can do this.  I CAN.  *sweats nervously*

I don’t know if any of you remember about a month ago when I was having a complete breakdown over the level of clutter in my room?  And I finally hired an organizer to help me get rid of all the crap?

How about an update?  With pictures?  ^_^

Well, I’ve met with her about once a week since February 4th (so I’ve had about four sessions with her, 3 of which were 3 hours long and 1 of which was 4 hours long) and there has been HUGE AMOUNTS OF PROGRESS.  I can’t even begin to tell you how good it feels to have a livable living space again.  There really are no words for the amount of weight that I feel has been lifted off of me with this process.  I can’t.  I feel like I can breathe again.  I actually enjoy spending time in my room, again.  It’s amazing. 

After our last session, the vast majority of “the pile” which took up the entirety of my floor was almost gone.  Like, I could tell that in another one or two sessions, I’d have my floor back.  And I actually kind of froze for a second because I had honestly started to think that I’d never get there and I could believe that that huge pile of CRAP was going to be gone soon.  Anyway, this morning, it was a beautiful spring-like day and I realized I wanted to do crafty stuff.  So I needed to get to my desk.  Problem: the last of The Pile was blocking my way to the desk.  😛  So rather than give up and go see a movie or something, I decided that this was it.  This was the day I FUCKING GOT RID OF THE REST OF THE PILE.  Because this amazing thing happens when you work with an organizer – you learn how to do this shit without them.  And I knew how to start now.  And I thought… I could do this.  I could really do this. 

…so I did.  😀

Before:

DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN ABOUT HOW BAD IT WAS??  *hides head in shame*

Today when I finished my own bit of work:

(Sorry about the blur – the lighting wasn’t cooperating and I refused to close the curtains.  ^_~)

Now, obviously there is still a long way to go.  There’s still a lot to do, but LOOK AT WHAT WE ACCOMPLISHED.  😀  I am so fucking proud of myself I could cry.  ^_^

So, here’s the point, I guess.  In spite of my therapist attempting to bang this into my head week after week after week, I didn’t truly understand how much of an impact my environment was having on me until I started this process of getting stuff cleaned up.  Because with each successive week, I’ve felt like I could breathe a little easier… a little easier… a little easier.  And that has had a HUGE impact on how I feel.

Now, I’m not trying to imply that the mess was the cause of my mental health issues (if anything, it goes the other way round), but there is absolutely no question in my mind that the mess made everything worse.  Just knowing that I had to fight that monster up top to GET TO MY BED every night (and goodness forbid I needed to get to my desk O_o;;;), sapped so much of my energy that I had almost none left to fight the rest of my demons.  No WONDER I got sick so often.  No WONDER I was a frazzled mess all the time.  No WONDER I felt like I could never get any work done.  LOOK AT WHAT I WAS FIGHTING WITH.

So, yeah.  I guess the point is that I’m so so glad for friends like @kingesstropolis, who fielded my panicked questions about organizers, and my therapist, who put the idea in my head in the first place, and all the rest of you on here who sent me supportive messages about this endeavor when I was panicking about it.  You’re all awesome and I love you so much and I can’t WAIT to show you what this thing looks like when I’m finally DONE.  ^_________^

Question mark because no replies?

The answer to what I decided to listen to is “Three Days Grace,” BTW.  It’s that kind of day.  *smiles sweetly*  ^_^

And this is something I have to share because I’m SO EXCITED.  XD  But it’s definitely going behind a cut because personal.  *nodnod*

I had this one student who worked her ass off all semester in spite of… well, let’s just say MASSIVE OBSTACLES.  Any sane person would have quit, withdrawn from the class and come back to try again next semester.  But she stuck with it and refused to quit and I just finished grading her final and SHE PASSED.  BY THE SKIN OF HER TEETH, BUT SHE PASSED.  AND I’M SO HAPPY I COULD CRY.  XD  That is all.  ^_^

‘Tis the season to send holiday cards!

eirenical:

This was a lot of fun when we did it last year, so I thought I’d do it again.  ^_^  If anyone else wants to jump on the bandwagon, feel free.  ^_^

If you’re a mutual (or we interact on tumblr and I know who you are ^_^) and would like a holiday/seasonal card, send me an
ask or a convo with your name and address and I’ll send you a card.  Don’t forget to let me
know if there is a particular holiday you celebrate, otherwise I’m going
to go with a generic “season’s greetings” card.

Have at!  ^_^

…obviously Chanukah is over already, so I apologize for missing that one, but general disclaimer that I never get things mailed on time anyway?  ^_^  Oops?