1, for Mute?

I GET TO BABBLE ABOUT MUET???  😀  YESSSSSSSS.  I’M SO GLAD YOU ASKED THIS QUESTION FOR THIS STORY, BECAUSE I ACTUALLY HAVE AN ANSWER FOR IT.  *_*  (Seriously, I actually have given this a lot of thought, off and on, over writing this story.  ^_^)

(If anyone else would like to send me questions, here they are! ^_^)

(And if anyone would like to read the story, I’ll link to the chapter one tumblr post, because all the warning are there and I AM NOT FUCKING AROUND, this story is not for everyone – those warning are there for a reason.  So.  Consider yourself warned.  ^_~)

1:What inspired you to write the fic this way?

OK, so since @takethewatch and I were just talking about fic archaeology earlier, to answer this question the first thing you need to know about this story is how it started.  And that question actually has two answers.  The first lies here@luchia13 and I had done this little writing exercise to kind of get each other writing again.  We had someone volunteer a trope, then we were going to write 1500 words each on that trope, swap, and finish each other’s stories.  Only we both fell enough in love with our own stories that we just kind of kept them.

The trope was fake boyfriends.

(YES.  ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE READ THE THING, FEEL FREE TO LAUGH UPROARIOUSLY.  IT IS, IN FACT, VERY FUNNY.  -.-;;;)

Anyway, the second answer to how this fic started was that I had had a really, REALLY fucked up fic dream a few weeks prior to that.  And it was basically about the dystopian society described in Muet… and what happens to Courfeyrac at the hands of Montparnasse.  And as is usually the case with dreams like that, I didn’t expect it EVER to see the light of day as an actual written fic.  But when we took off on this little writerly challenge… that fucking story just wouldn’t take a hint.  It wanted to get written and it was NOT letting me off the hook.  And since, for the first time in a long time, my writing wasn’t fighting me, I didn’t even question it.  I just said “fuck it” and let it happen.  Because when a fic is fighting that hard to get out of my brain and onto paper… it’s usually because some part of me really, really needs it to.

So, in short, this story came from a really, REALLY dark place in my psyche, a large part of which was prompted by too many people jumping on top of me and trying to get me to do things “for my own good” whether I wanted to or not.  And most often the answer was “not” but I’d feel obligated to do the thing anyway because they meant well and I loved them, right?  And that thinking was just shoving me ever deeper into this spiral of bad feelings and shame and guilt and just–  I needed to work that shit out somehow.  So I took it to an extreme and dumped it on Courfeyrac so I could work it out through him. And the story evolved from there.

And given the amount of worldbuilding that went into this story and how dark and dystopian it really was, the picture of it in my head was very film noir.  And that dark, foreboding, closed in feel is very present in my head whenever I think about the story and that seems to translate onto paper when I write for it.  ^_^

(Also tagging @kingesstropolis in this because it is relevant to your interests, I believe.  ^_~)

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For the headcanon ask meme: Muet Verse Combeferre: 1,3,6, 9,19, 24 and for Muet Verse Enjolras: 2, 3, 6, 10, 24, and 25. That’s a lot, but let’s start there, shall we?

Holy cow, @kingesstropolis, YOU WEREN’T KIDDING.  O_O  I think I’m going to put this whole thing behind a cut because LONG and potential spoilers, though I’ll try not to.  ;D

Anyone else want to play?

Combeferre:

1) Something this character is truly proud of.

Oh gosh.  This is going to sound horrible, but these days, Combeferre really isn’t proud of anything.  He’s exactly the OPPOSITE of proud.  Of anything.  He’s pretty much on the self-loathing bandwagon, atm.

3) Who depends on them.

Courfeyrac.  Enjolras.  Joly.  Bahorel.  …you know what?  Everyone, really.  He’s the technological brains behind their whole operation.  Whether it’s for monitoring purposes, gadget purposes, or second pair of hands in the ER purposes, everyone in Les Amis depends on him to some extent.

6) Something they lost, but would love to have back

*eg*

Courfeyrac and the relationship they had before Philidelphia.

*ducks flying coconuts*

9) What calms them when they are upset.

Reminding him how much he is needed.  It may not soothe the upset, but it will get him functioning enough that he can do what needs to be done.  Then he’ll quietly go fall apart somewhere private, picking apart every little thing that went wrong until he’s worried it to death and so exhausted that he can’t think about it anymore.  Then he’ll crash and wake up the morning ready to move forward.

19) When they feel safest

Tucked into the big armchair, wrapped up in Courfeyrac, a blazing fire in the fireplace.  That’s his happy place.  That’s the only place where he feels like nothing bad can touch him.  That’s why Courfeyrac wanted so much to give that security back to him, just once, after yanking the emotional rug out from under him.

24) What they wish they could change about themselves

Most of all, Combeferre wishes he was stronger, not so much physically, but mentally.  He’s such a scattered mess sometimes and he’s terrible in a crisis.  It’s why he never goes out on patrols, why he sticks to behind the scenes work.  And he feels so incredibly guilty about that, because he feels like everyone else is putting themselves on the line while he stays safely tucked away from any potential harm.  Not to mention that it means he isn’t there when the people he loves are in danger.

Enjolras:

2) Who they want to please the most.

EVERYONE.  No, really.  Everyone.  It’s a problem.  He wants to be everything to everyone and it just never works.

3) Who depends on them.

Again, I’m going to have to go with everyone, but particularly it’s Grantaire.  Since Enjolras is one of only two people who can easily communicate with him, he ends up feeling very isolated when one of them isn’t around to translate for him.

6) Something they lost, but would love to have back

Post-amnesia?  Grantaire.  GRANTAIRE.  Because WTF even happened there???  So much has changed and it’s so hard for him to process all of it, and this thing with Courfeyrac is just Way Too Big, but his break-up with Grantaire is something he can wrap his head around and there’s a part of him that thinks that if he can fix THAT, maybe everything else will start to make sense, again.  

10) How they deal with pain.

Emotional pain: Anger.  It’s his biggest flaw, really.  When he’s hurting, Enjolras will lash out.  He tries to use that anger productively, to turn it into drive, but it doesn’t always work.  And his favorite target for his anger is himself.  Self-flagellation A. Specialty.  😛

Physical pain: OMG, he’s a wuss.  He is an ABSOLUTE WUSS.  He wants all the good drugs.  Just knock him the fuck out and let him sleep it off, whatever it is.  That’s the best for all concerned.  ^_~

24) What they wish they could change about themselves

Enjolras is way too quick to take everything on himself.  It’s a terrible habit, but he just can’t STOP.  He doesn’t want to burden his friends with things if he can help it, especially when they have their own concerns.  And he’ll very quickly run himself into the ground if no one’s keeping an eye on him.  He’s TRYING to learn to delegate, but hasn’t really been very successful at it so far.

25) What other people wish they could change about them

I’m honestly going to have to say “ditto” on #24.  Because as much as he cares about his friends, they care about HIM just as much and wish they could share in his burdens.

Muet, Chapter 8 (36,357 words)

So, there it was: take a risk on his own intuition, take a chance that Eponine was trustworthy, take a chance that in so doing both he and Enjolras might be remade whole again… or go home and destroy everything and everyone he’d ever loved.

Courfeyrac made his decision.

January 10, 2016: *tiny waves* Hello, everyone! I realize it’s been awhile. To say that last semester was hard on me would be a major understatement. I drowned in last semester. *sigh* And my writing suffered in a HUGE way. Anyway, part of the reason it suffered is because I let it fall way to the bottom of the priority list and I ended up putting it off for so long that I developed a near-phobia about it. And that’s not good. For so many reasons. I’m mentally healthiest when I have writing as an outlet. Not having that outlet was part of what made last semester so damned awful. So, I’m making the decision, right now, to make writing a priority again. My own mental health is way more important than all the other responsibilities I have. So. Here’s hoping that means I’ll be posting more regularly. ^_^

Anyway, here’s hoping this chapter was worth the wait! We’re finally heading into the part where the plot will start moving. I’m excited that we made it here, and hopefully you will be, too. ^_^

Read on AO3: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8]
Read on ff.net: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8]

Rating: Explicit
Warnings:
Rape/Non-Con
Relationships:
Enjolras/Grantaire, Combeferre/Courfeyrac, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Characters:
Enjolras (Les Misérables), Grantaire (Les Misérables), Courfeyrac (Les
Misérables), Combeferre (Les Misérables), Jean “Jehan” Prouvaire, Les
Amis de l’ABC, Feuilly (Les Misérables)

Additional Tags: Alternate
Universe – Dystopia, Alternate Universe – Psychics/Psionics, Government
Conspiracy, Mind Control, Amnesia, Mildly Dubious Consent, Extremely
Dubious Consent, two different situations there, Mind Rape, Mind Control
Aftermath & Recovery, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Muteness,
Consent Issues, Rating May Change, Other Additional Tags to Be Added,
this is not a happy story, though it may have a happy ending, Angst with
a Happy Ending, …probably, Rape/Non-con Elements, Scars, i really
hesitate to tag this, BDSM, because it’s certainly not healthy BDSM,
but… yeah, Past Courfeyrac/Jehan, Breathplay, minor Grantaire/Jehan,
minor Enjolras/Feuilly

I had a dream last night where I woke up to find you had updated Muet and I was really excited. I completely forgot about the dream until just now and then I was really disappointed to realize it was just a dream. Alas.

I hope you don’t mind me publishing this, but it made me laugh and then smile a whole bunch, so I want to keep it.  Also I WISH I COULD TELL YOU IT WASN’T A DREAM.  Soon, I hope.  Soon.  ^_^  *snugs*

And now for Muet!Courfeyrac.  ^_^

(Anyone else want to play?)

2) Who they want to please the most.

Oooooooooo… that’s actually a really big spoiler.  So, I’m just going to say “his mother” and leave it at that for now.  ^_~

6) Something they lost, but would love to have back

CONTROL OF HIS OWN MIND AND BODY.  He wants his own autonomy back.  He wants his freedom back.  That’s everything to him right now.  EVERYTHING.

9) What calms them when they are upset.

The knowledge that all of this is happening for a reason, that if he stays the course, it’ll be worth it in the end.  Some days, that’s all that keeps him going.

19) When they feel safest

Right now?  Never.  That’s kind of the problem.  Courfeyrac doesn’t even feel safe inside his own head right now.  There IS no safety for him.  He doesn’t feel safe in public.  He doesn’t feel safe hidden away in the mansion.  He doesn’t feel safe with any of Les Amis, or even with the man he loves.  He doesn’t even feel safe in his sleep, because his dreams are a veritable nightmare garden.

24) What they wish they could change about themselves

Courfeyrac has a tendency to focus too much on the larger picture.  He loses track of the smaller details sometimes.  In very real ways, he and Prouvaire are a lot alike that way, actually – willing to do almost anything in the name of the cause.  And there are times that he’ll take it too far and see from the look in his friends’ eyes that he’s crossed a line that they would never have crossed… and he’ll feel regret.  That he’s not more like them.  That his conscience lives a little blacker into the grey than theirs.  And in those moments, he’d change that about himself, if he could.

OK, I’m going to do this in two batches because that IS a lot of questions.  (Not that I’m complaining!  ;D)  And I’m going to put the answers behind a cut because of the chance of spoilers.

So, first… Muet!Jehan.  ^_^

(Anyone else want to play?)

1) Something this character is truly proud of.

That’s actually kind of hard to answer.  Prouvaire is such a twisted up pit of self-loathing in this universe that pride doesn’t really enter into it, you know?  He feels satisfaction over a job well done–i.e., what he did to Courfeyrac–but he’s not proud of it.  In fact, I’d go so far as to say that every time he uses his telepathy for anything, it sets of this cascade of shame, even though he believes it’s the only useful skill he has.

2) Who they want to please the most.

His mother.  Without question.  Even though he hasn’t seen her in years, even though he assumes she must hate him by now, that she’s at the very least disgusted with him… if just once he could make her proud, the whole sorry mess that is his life now would be worth it to him.

9) What calms them when they are upset.

R.  It’s really that simple.  There’s a connection there.  Shared secrets.  It’s fucked up–like everything else about Prouvaire–and really unhealthy, but knowing that R depends on him as someone he can talk to has a grounding effect on him.

10) How they deal with pain.

Again, I’m going to point you back to the fact that Prouvaire is SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP in this ‘verse.  Pain is his friend.  He revels in it.  Physical pain, mental pain, emotional pain, his own or anyone else’s.  When he’s in pain or causing pain is when he feels most alive.

19) When they feel safest

I honestly don’t think Prouvaire EVER feels safe in Muet!verse.  😛

21) Their fondest childhood memory

His family, along with several others, had a commune that was as off the grid as they could make it.  They grew their own food, powered their electricity with alternate sources of energy, recycled everything they could.  His fondest memories are of being out in the kitchen gardens with his mother, his hands buried in the dirt as he learned how to grow the food that they all depended on to survive.

24) What they wish they could change about themselves

…everything.  Seriously, Prouvaire’s self-loathing knows no bounds.  He absolutely hates who he’s become–who the government forced him to become.  If he could recondition himself to become someone completely different, he would do it in a heartbeat and never look back.  But if he had to pick one thing, it would be his telepathy.  He would crack open his own head and tear it out by the roots if he could, because, without it, he might have had a chance at a normal life.  He might still be with his family.

25) What other people wish they could change about them

His unpredictability.  His instability.  He’s not reliable.  None of Les Amis know from one moment to the next if he’s going to do what they need or fly off the handle on some insane bender.  Because of that, they can’t trust him, and in Muet!verse… well, trust is the only thing that really matters, isn’t it?