Oh, this is going to be easy.
List Of Bullshit Stories Anakin Skywalker Has Told Various People About How He Got His Cool Scar™ Which Is Totally Cool Shut Up Everyone:
- fought and killed a sarlacc
- fought and killed two sarlaccs
- fought and killed three sarlaccs, and a lost but strangely aggressive bantha, while wounded and with a sandstorm raging around him (“wait how did you even find so many of them in one place–” “shut up”)
- had to get out of his starfighter while in the middle of an epic battle in order to fix it before it blew up, got hit in the face by debris from the enemy ships he’d destroyed, almost died in the process
- had to defend a group of innocent younglings from certain death by two, no, three, no, five murderous criminals armed with knives while he happened to not have his lightsaber on him and had to fight them bare-handed (“how could you not have your lightsaber on you–” “shut up” “–and how did the criminals even get into the Jedi Temple–” “were you there? no? then let me finish”)
- fought Ventress and totally won, but she just– (Ventress overhears that one and proceeds to laugh hysterically for three hours)
- basically there were just so many near-death experiences
- and incredible fights
- and astonishing shows of strength and skill
- and epic chase scenes across half the galaxy
- and daring, gracefully carried-out plans
- also: [stares off into the distance with a wistful expression] “sand”
“Jehan,” says Combeferre, surrounded by two microscopes, five piles of books, more papers, three unfinished tea cups, one of coffee that’s empty, and a suspicious box making suspicious noises. “It’s late, you should really go to sleep.”
“Combeferre,” answers Jehan patiently. “It’s morning. I did went to sleep. Six hours ago. The first time you told me to do it.”
Combeferre glances at the window. The sun is quite up in the sky.
“Oh,” he says. And then, faintly, pensively. “I do wonder if it is possible i went on a trance – i have a book somewhere on missing moments i had bought for Enjolras…”
george washington: we are OUTGUNNED, OUTMANNED–
alexander hamilton: sir. there is no need to worry. i have three whole friends now.
Javert’s the type of cop that would miss out on a high-speed chase because he’s too busy trying to catch a jaywalker the next street over.
I’ve solved more crimes than I can count. Because I’ve solved a lot of crimes. Not because I can’t count very high.