i’ve seen a lot of pushback against “kid hating” lately, so let me just say a few things:
- i don’t particularly like kids
- they make me uncomfortable
- the idea of being responsible for the physical and emotional well being of a child freaks me out
- being pregnant is incredibly unappealing to me
- i wouldn’t want to screw up my kids or scar them in any way with my shitty parenting
- i don’t want to have to organize my personal/professional lifestyle and finances around my children for 21+ years
- i just don’t want kids
- i would never be mean to children
- i love other people’s kids
- i completely understand why other people want children
- i’m fully aware that many others struggle to conceive and i would never disrespect or belittle that pain
- i don’t think less of anyone for wanting kids
the idea that people who don’t want kids are inherently selfish, uncaring assholes is a lazy, misogynistic attempt to shame people (primarily women) for prioritizing personal goals and self care above parenthood. Choosing to have children doesn’t automatically make you more kind or selfless or fulfilled than people who don’t. Wanting to remain childfree is not the same as “hating kids,” nor does it mean you’re a horrible person. It’s a personal choice like everything else, so can we please stop being shitty about it?
This is absolutely 100% what I’ve been trying to say
Concept: Maybe “neurotypicals” who consistently reblog post about autism and other mental disorders and illnesses because they relate to them actually aren’t neurotypical, and just don’t know it.
Even the ones who say, “But everyone does this!” might only be saying it because they do it, and therefore think everyone does, when that’s not the reality.
Like, I remember someone who very obviously had OCD saying, “Everyone gets constant, upsetting intrusive thoughts, and does things to make them go away! It’s normal!” and everyone who responded to them were like, “Uh… No, it’s really not. You have a mental illness.”
I hate how everyone is so quick to assume anyone who relates to their posts without having every aspect of their mental state listed on their blog is obviously an evil, appropriating neurotypical. Maybe they are technically neurotypical, but have one or two traits associated with whatever form of neurodivergence. Maybe they’re neurodivergent and just don’t feel like listing it. Maybe they think they’re neurotypical, and are in the process of realising that they actually aren’t.
Please don’t be so quick to judge. This gatekeeping helps no one.
This is an extremely important point.
I know at least one trans person who didn’t realize they were trans until they were talking about how much they relate to trans things. Only, it was in the context of being dismissive of trans people. “Oh, sure, of course you prefer those pronouns. Everyone does.” But that wasn’t a cis person being dismissive of trans experiences; it was a trans person not understanding that they were trans.
Same thing with a lot of mental illness stuff.
Honestly, if you relate to an experience, you have the experience. Doesn’t matter whether you have it for the same reason someone else does.
On a similar note that I was thinking about recently: perhaps some neurodivergent people who are dismissed by their parents have neurodivergent parents who don’t know it. Like, if your mom says “everyone has that” when you tell her about your depression, there’s a decent chance that she’s not minimizing you, she just has depression herself and doesn’t realize it.
This is so so important. I started my journey with anxiety like this. And one of the first things my therapist asked me was whether or not there was a history of anxiety in my family. I honestly couldn’t answer her, because as far as I knew… there wasn’t? But then I thought about my mother.
My mother who can’t sleep if she can see that the outside light is still on at my house because she knows that it means I’m not home yet.
My mother who calls me at 9:30 on Wednesday nights, if I haven’t called her yet, just to ask if everything is all right because I usually call at 9, when I get out of class.
My mother who insisted on me calling her every night when I got home when I lived further away because otherwise I could have been kidnapped and no one would have known because I lived alone.
My mother who will work herself up for WEEKS over the fact that family members haven’t RSVPed to the summer family get-together because then she can’t plan food appropriately.
My mother who constantly imagines these dire futures for my niece and nephew based on the fact that they don’t have a swingset in their backyard.
My mother who imagines the worst case scenario for EVERYTHING.
And I realized… if my mother doesn’t have anxiety, too, then I’ll eat my fucking shoe.
And I had spent so much time feeling like how I felt was normal, in large part because I had my mother as an example of what “normal” looked like and I knew i was just the same. By the same token, she also has a huge difficulty understanding why my anxiety is occasionally so crippling–because she knows that she and I are alike in many ways and she’s always managed to do everything that needs to be done, so she doesn’t understand when I can’t. And just the fact that I was finally able to grasp where that communication breakdown was coming from helped A LOT on my end, at least.
So, yeah. Thank you, OP, and commenters, because this is definitely something that I think gets overlooked by people doing those gatekeeping behaviors.
what you say: go get a glass of water when you’re thirsty
what i hear: recognize your body’s signs of thirst before you’re extremely dehydrated, somehow get up in the middle of your current task before you forget that you’re thirsty, leave your room, walk down the hall, go into the kitchen, find the cupboard, choose a cup, put water in the cup, and go back down to your room. do all of this without forgetting what you’re doing in the middle of the process and without getting distracted, keeping everything in your working memory and not getting stalled between any of the steps. then, smoothly resume the task where you left off (which requires remembering what you were doing before), and sip from the glass periodically until it is gone or you are no longer thirsty (which requires remembering that the water is there and repeatedly interrupting yourself to get a sip, while monitoring your body’s signals). i expect you to do this multiple times every day, automatically, on a fixed schedule that aligns with your body’s needs
(#nope#I thought so too#but what you should hear is ”just carry a bottle of water with you everywhere you go”#do it enough and even at home you’ll find yourself reaching for it as a fidget thing#ADHD tips!!!!! via @thehumantrampoline)
I just love this quote. It’s so easily overlooked, seen as unimportant, until you see the prequels. Because then you realize how utterly true and heartbreaking that phrase is. “He died about the same time your father did.” Meaning that Obi-Wan, that is, everything that made him who he was, his faith, his joy, his light, was murdered, killed, at the same time that Anakin was lost to the Dark Side. When Anakin became Vader, Obi-Wan became Ben. Anakin and Obi-Wan died together on that planet. Only Vader and Ben left it alive. One full of hate and darkness, the other a broken shell that was merely existing, not even really living. These two men were so deeply entwined, so bonded together in the force, that when one died, so did the other. That is the real definition of true love.
“ It’s armor. On a woman. It doesn’t have to look feminine.”
If I ever don’t reblog this, it’s because I’m dead.
Fiercest storm trooper to date
they didn’t do enough with her, hope she has a bigger role next movie
^shes confirmed for a bigger role next time FYI
Perhaps it’s my age speaking, but I’m starting to miss the way fandom used to be fifteen years ago. Mostly since back then the concepts of ‘darkfic’ and ‘don’t like, don’t read’ were properly understood and adhered to (usually). The situation with darkfics was interesting in particular, because the entire premise was that the author could write incredibly fucked-up things, with the understanding on their part that shit was indeed very messed-up and with no pretense to the contrary (what usually gets termed ‘romanticization’ these days).
Now? You’ve got to run an entire rigmarole of explaining the difference between romanticization and just straight-up exploring a horrible dynamic in writing as, you know, a writer. And even after that, you’ll probably have to deal with the whole invasive ‘explain every trauma you might’ve gone through, so strangers who otherwise don’t care if you exist can decide if they give you Permission to use writing as a coping mechanism’ mess. Fucking hell.
I’ve said it before. Learn to tell the difference between fantasy and reality. Learn to tell the difference between what someone explores on the page as a writer and what that same person believes and advocates in their day-to-day life.