“we’re both in this boring as hell class and out of boredom I accidentally stumbled into your thoughts of you thinking up this masterpiece of a story and holy shit is this like a movie”
“additionally, wow are you really getting into this sex scene man how do u not have a boner”
“I get chronic headaches from everyone’s thoughts being so loud all the time and sometimes I don’t know, I get angry. is yelling to Stewart across the room to “shut up and go get dick if he wants it so bad” over the top? maybe.”
“as if it wasn’t bad enough that I constantly worried what people thought of me, I can actually hear what everyone thinks of me and the fact that it’s unedited and 100% legit makes me real sad to hear people think I’m annoying”
“although, it’s really reassuring to also hear how much my friends love me and think I’m funny and woah man…those are some pretty…erotic thoughts of me there…”
“okay who fucking let out that I can read minds huh? what do you WANT me to get kidnapped and used for evil? cause i swear i will come backfor your ass once im super juiced with their evil government serum alright? i will go winter soldier on ur ass dont test me”
“although all these lovesick kids offering to pay for my services on their crushes may be worth it. hey I know you, you’re cute. your crush you say? oh they totally don’t like u, nah man, your barking up the wrong tree right there”
“hold the fuck up. hold. up. I can read any mind that I can see, anyone and everyone’s, why can’t I read yours? and why the hell are you smirking at me like that U LIL SHIT THIS MAKES NO DAMN SENSE WHO ARE YOU”
“I think you’re cute and I know for a FACT you think I’m cute too so why won’t you just admit it? cmon cmon baby don’t play this charade. you know you can’t win at this game ;)”
“as it turns out by my super mind reading powers you plan to string me out high and dry until I’m practically begging for a date and u know what. that is so terrible and so demeaning honestly like who does that. who does that. can you please just kiss me already like-”
“I know you can read minds and I really like you so I’m constantly filtering my thoughts whenever I’m with you and it’s super hard so quit making fun of how I think about fighting giraffes okay it’s my go-to thought whenever I imagine you shirtless”
“you know I can read your thoughts so we have these little one sided conversations in class as I listen to your cute angered rants and I reply with a snarky side eye”
“OR we BOTH can read minds and all the while during class we have casual conversations that sometimes turn REALLY FUNNY AND WE BOTH CRACK UP IN DEAD SILENCE IN THE MIDDLE OF AN EXAM OH SHIT”
“YOU LITERALLY HAVE CONVERSATIONS WITH YOURSELF LIKE YOURE TWO DIFFERENT YET ANGRY PEOPLE AND HONESTLY ITS THE FUNNIEST SHIT IVE HEARD SOMEONE THINK BEFORE JFC LIKE DAMN WHO IS THIS PLASTIC TITTED WHORE WHO STEPPED ON YOUR SHOELACE”
“I NEED TO KNOW THIS, OKAY BECAUSE YOUR THOUGHTS ARE LIKE A SHITTY SITCOM AND I CANT HELP BUT LOVE YOU AND LAUGH SO HARD THAT U BEGIN TO NOTICE AND OHSHIT”
“i know its pretty invasive but i honestly tune into your thoughts every day on the way to work like its the morning paper cause really we have so much in common its ridiculous and ur super cute and we like all the same things and ugh pls date me”
“and oops one day you thought of something funny and we both laughed simultaneously and now ur weirdly suspicious, as i can tell because i can hear you wondering if i can read your thoughts and now ur testing me and idk if i should play along”
So, I know how much everybody loves pretend-dating/pretend-marriage fics, but have you considered ‘pretend NOT to be dating/married’ AUs?
For example:
My friend is so determined to fix me up with somebody better than my string of casual coffee date/hookup partners that I didn’t have the heart to tell her, after she set us up for a blind date, that I actually met you six months ago
We’re both professors in the same department and it enhances your reputation with the students as a mysterious enigma and my reputation as a stone-cold terror if we pretend to hate each other, plus when we back each other up in departmental meetings everybody’s so surprised they give in right away
My parents thought I was working for an insurance company in New York when really I was joining the CIA so I just sort of never mentioned when I met you on an assassination-gone-wrong and now we’ve been married for five years and they still don’t know you exist, this has gotten wildly out of hand and you won’t stop laughing about it
All your coworkers know you’re married to a cop but now I’m undercover investigating a string of bank heists and it turns out that your only friend at your shitty new job is dating the head bank robber.
We’ve been communicating entirely by email/phone/carrier pigeon/paid messenger for the past year as we work to bring some peace and order to this troubled land, so when I walked into the negotiation room to sit down with the fearsome and terrible politician/businessperson/famed warrior that all my people are so afraid of, I didn’t really expect it to be you.
I didn’t think my parents could accept me dating somebody of your gender/race/religion/species, so we’ve been keeping it quiet, but now my mom can’t stop talking about her friend’s next-door neighbor and how perfect they’d be for me and you’ve got some nosy neighbor trying to set you up with their coworker’s kid and how do we tell them we’re engaged without making them think it’s because of their completely uninvited meddling?
You’ve got to pretend-date your best friend for a couple of weeks because reasons, and somehow that means we’re passing ourselves off as siblings to explain why we live together but we’ve started giving each other really filthy pre-sex looks behind everyone’s back like a game of chicken and pretty soon somebody is going to start to have serious concerns about our siblinghood.
My favorite Hamilton Rap Genius annotation is on the Schuyler Sisters on the line “in the greatest city in the world” where it’s like “New York wasn’t even the greatest city in the colonies at this point”
my favorite one is on It’s Quiet Uptown when Alexander says “i know there’s no replacing what we lost” and the annotation says “actually, the hamiltons had another son and named him Philip”
Alternatively the line in Blow Us All Away when Hamilton says “Phillip your mother can’t take another heartbreak” and the annotations says “and whose fault is that?”
His favourite holiday is Christmas, hands down. Not for the traditions – he doesn’t even have a tradition – but because it’s an excuse to spoil his friends and hang out with them and make them happy, to share the things that make him and them happy, and he loves the warmth of the season.
3. Sleeping headcanon
Courfeyrac sleeps like a kitten. He’s so cute it’s almost unbearable. He snores just a little, it’s not even annoying, it’s just cute. He curls up in a ball and looks as if he’s smiling – which he probably is, oh my god. Oh my god. No. You can’t see Courfeyrac sleeping and not go ‘aw, bb’. It’s impossible.
He goes to sleep pretty early, and he’s super cranky and moody when he hasn’t had a full night’s sleep, so he tries to avoid that. He’s a morning person, too, and it’s just as well because his favourite meal of the day is breakfast. If you’re sleeping over at Courfeyrac’s on the weekend, you can be sure he’ll make you the brightest, tastiest, greatest breakfast you’ll ever have.
6. Hugging headcanon
Courfeyrac communicates a lot with his body, and it includes hugging. The kind of friend who hugs his hellos and goodbyes. When he’s worried or insecure, like after fighting with a friend or when something bad’s happened, he won’t feel better until he’s gotten to hug the person.
15. Singing headcanon
He’s a good singer! His family was always quite musically involved. He’s never taken singing lessons, but theater yes, so he has a good control over his voice. He plays the guitar, too, and loves to sing wile playing. What he doesn’t have in pure singing talent he makes up for it in enthusiasm and love for the song.
OMG, YES. I love each and every one of these! 😀 And I feel that hugging headcanon SO MUCH because that is so me it’s ridiculous.
In fact, I’ll take it one further. I bet that sometimes–when all his friends are busy with finals or when they go home/away for vacations and just don’t see each other for a while–he starts to feel touch-starved. Because he needs that physical contact for reassurance. And when he doesn’t get it, he gets very, very sad. He wouldn’t say anything about it, though. Because the last thing he wants is to be a bother to anyone. But it slowly starts to wear him down until someone finally notices that he’s a little off and innocently wraps an arm around his shoulders to give him a one-armed hug or a pat or something innocuous like that. (For some reason I feel like it would be Marius or Feuilly or maybe even Bahorel?) And Courfeyrac just becomes an octopus, diving right into that hug full force and not letting go for way longer than a normal hug would last. And maybe it’s a little awkward at first, because WOW, NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING WHEN I OFFERED THIS ITTY BITTY HUG?? But whoever initiated it usually picks up on the fact that Courfeyrac needs that hug, for whatever reason and settles in to give back as good as they’re getting and yes, that’s why we’ve been standing here blocking the doorway for the past ten minutes, what’s your point?
eirenical17 