As a consequence of issues with anxiety, ADHD, and executive dysfunction, I have major, major issues with clutter.  And I don’t mean that there are a few shirts on my floor.  I mean, I have a path to my bed, a half-path to my desk and THAT’S IT.  The entire rest of my bedroom floor space is hip-high piles of clothes and books and other assorted crap.  I mention this because more and more it’s becoming an obstacle to getting ANYTHING done in my life and I just feel so trapped in it that just walking into my bedroom can trigger an anxiety attack on a bad day.  (AND I WONDER WHY I DON’T SLEEP??)

The point is that this came up in therapy the other day and my therapist brought up the idea of hiring someone to help.  Well… two problems.  One: that costs money.  That I don’t have.  Two: I feel like there’s NO ROOM for a second person to even be in there with me, much less working.  😦  And I’m just so fucking embarrassed about the whole thing that I just couldn’t get there.

Anyway, I had a talk with @kingesstropolis earlier tonight and she basically said the same thing and kind of helped me understand how professional organizers work and I’m still not sure but I’m starting to feel this massive pressure like I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING or it won’t get any better and _I_ won’t get any better and I just don’t know what to do about it anymore.

So, I started doing a search for people in my area who do these things.  And every website seemed worse than the next (OMG, one website could have walked straight out of the mid-90s and it was so poorly organized that it did NOT inspire confidence :P) and NO ONE LISTS PRICES.  Which means that it costs A LOT.  Anyway, I finally found one website which (apart from having a photo “galary” which had no actual photos… O_o;;;), was well-organized and yet still personable.  They very explicitly listed their prices (which are still really more than I can afford, but not as bad as some places?).  And on the contact form it offered as one reason to contact them “why you need pro bono services”.  So before I could chicken out, I fed them my whole sob story and asked for the free consultation they offered as part of their usual services and like… even if they could discount the fee it would help?

…of course, now I’m sitting here feeling even more sick to my stomach than I was before just thinking about the mess.  Because I SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS A MONTH AGO WHEN I ACTUALLY HAD TIME.  NOT WHEN SCHOOL AND WORK ARE STARTING UP IN TWO DAYS.  *cries*

But if I didn’t do anything now, I just wasn’t going to end up doing it.  So it’s good that I forced myself to send that form.

It is.


*curls up in a corner and shakes for a while*


So… we got a bit of snow the last couple of days.  😛  I think when all was said and done, we got about a foot and a half of snow.  But it was blizzard conditions.  So in some places of the yard, we didn’t have more than 6-12 inches.  IN OTHERS WE HAD CLOSER TO THREE FEET.  THIS SHIT WAS UP TO MY WAIST WHEN I WAS SHOVELING.  TT^TT  And of course, it was too wet, too heavy, and too high for the snow blower to be any help, so I actually did have to shovel.  Ugh.  At least my parents hired people to do the driveways, sidewalks, and front walks and clean off the cars.  That was a HUGE help.  All I had to do was shovel out the patio and get a path across our half of the yards.  …of course that’s where ALL THE DRIFTS WERE, but that’s OK.  It’s done and now I’m snuggled up with my kitty again.  Here’s hoping it all melts quickly?


Ewan ‘imitates’ Obi-Wan in Long Way Round (Audio here)

I’m going to add a video link for you: here at dailymotion because as amazing as it is in gif form, the scene is even better when you can hear him and see him at the same time.  XD  We’re talking full Obi-Wan voice, posture, facial expressions, body language, EVERYTHING.  Epic.  ^_^  (The relevant bit starts at 5:20.)