That awkward moment when Fortune.com can’t tell the difference between Broadway and Star Wars.
The Phantom of the Menace and The Return of the Lion King
May the Angel of Music be with you
Star Wars + Tumblr
You have blond hair, he has brown hair. You always have blond hair, he always has brown hair. You dye your hair brown, but suddenly his hair is blond, and you feel as though maybe you are him, and he is you, and you have blond hair again, and he has brown hair.
His gaze is impossibly fond, his eyes are impossibly blue, he pulls you impossibly closer, your heart beats impossibly fast, the bulge in his pants is impossibly hard, he should maybe get that checked out.
You don’t remember ever working out and yet you look down and see you have a six pack. When you next see yourself in the mirror you have an eight pack. When he takes of your shirt you have ten, twelve abs. You’re scared to look again in case there are more.
His eyes change colour depending on his moods. At first you thought it was a trick of the light, but now you’re not so sure. They switch between blue, green and grey. Once you thought you saw a flicker of red. You make sure to kiss with your eyes closed now.
You’re white, and so is he. Sometimes he’s your enemy, but you still love him, don’t you? Of course, it makes sense. You’re not sure what you like about him, exactly, but there must be something, right? There’s this intangible thing between you, isn’t there? You feel like you may have more chemistry with your non-white friend, but that can’t be right.
You don’t remember taking your clothes off but you’re naked now. Well, all you remember is toeing out of your shoes. You always toe out of them, although you don’t quite know what that means.
Your pronouns mix into a blur and you no longer know where you end and he begins… You reach out your hand to his hand on his arm… your arm… his… You are sitting and he straddles you but is facing away… There are hands everywhere…
France is an country by the sea filled with poor people and it’s ♪♫ beautiful ♫♪
In the year negative a billion, France might not have been here. In the year 1815, it was here, and you could walk to it, and some people died in it
Ding dong, it’s the Revolution, and they have ideas from the future. Like really good laws, and ♪ crazy guillotines ♪. Now you can make a lot of dead aristocrats really really quickly. That means if you own the guilloine, then you can make a lot of equality, which is something everybody needs to survvvvive. So that makes you a revolutionary. Also things get a bit out of hand, Bonaparte happens, Louis Phillipe happens too
we do not here pretend to furnish a history of the French Revolution
“Please try this new monarch,” he said.
“No,” said everybody.
“Try iiiiit,” he said.
“no,” said everybody again, quieter this time.
Meanwhile in Toulon:
“Hi Javert,” they said.
“Hi 24601,” said Javert.
“Can you call me something else, other than 24601?” said Valjean.
“Like what?” said Javert.
♫♪"How about Maire Mad’leine?“♪♫ said Valjean.
Knock knock, it’s the ABC. Yes, they’re here to take over, they just wanna bring you some cool shit. Like democracy, and freedom, and ♫♪ Enjolras ♪♫. So that’s cool.
Grantaire wants to help at some point but Enjolras is like
♪"Listen I trust you for once this is very important okay don’t fuck this uuuup"♪
And Grantaire said, ♫♪ How bout I do, anyway? ♪♫
Then, when the barricade was done, the National Guard downgraded to a fuckton. Did I say downgrade? I meant upgrade.
And the ABC says, “Can you maybe chill?”
And the National Guard says, “How ‘bout maybe you chill?”
Then everybody died, except Marius, who pulled a sewer inspired ♫♪ post-rebellion survival miracle ♪♫
But then the miracle wears off, he’s sad in the Musain but everything’s still pretty cool I guess. ♪♫ Bye. ♫♪
Nope, this is pre-Clone Wars RE canon, but after the start of the war. I’ve never written the scene out specifically, but:
There’s a blockade around Bothawui–like, full true coverage blockade of the planet, not that weird singular location like in TPM. (OMG SPACE, GEORGE, A PLANET HAS MORE THAN ONE ENTRANCE AND EXIT POINT WTF–I mean uhm, sorry. *cough*)
There’s a two day engagement where they cannot break through this fucking blockade–they can barely make a dent in it. Everything they throw at it, from gunship to star destroyer, is being repelled.
Anakin gets this *fabulous* idea that if the big stuff is all getting nailed, he can put on an EVA suit with enough fuel to get him through the blockade. Gravity will take care of the rest of his descent because of his proximity to the planet. He’s tiny, weaponless, low tech–the droids will ignore him.
(When asked how he would handle the burn of re-entry, Anakin shrugs and says it can’t be worse than Tatooine in the middle of the afternoon.)
Anakin leaves before Obi-Wan finds out. Obi-Wan discovers what his Padawan is doing, drops everything and bolts for a fighter, because no, no, and also no, Anakin, NO. Flies out and covers Anakin’s descent by basically being the bigger shiny object that the droids are all now concentrating their fire on.
And that’s how Obi-Wan Kenobi did something that Anakin Skywalker had NOT been able to do–fly a fighter through that damned blockade–earning the respect of the entirety of 7th Sky because HOLY SHIT.
That’s also the story of how Obi-Wan discovered that he now really, really, REALLY fucking hates to fly. (That fighter had to be scrapped post flight, mostly because it was so torn up from getting through the blockade that Obi-Wan promptly crashed it.)
It’s also the day that the 501st decided Skywalker was theirs forever, because someone had to make sure that crazy little shit stayed alive, because HOLY FUCKING SHIT.
It also marks the very last occasion when the droid army kept their control stations separate from their main concentration of troops, because being de-powered mid-conflict was an embarrassing way to lose a battle. *Again.*
And now you all know the story of the first Battle of Bothawuii.